Gordon steps in to spare Halsall's blushes...

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has stepped in to spare the blushes of the smiling assassin Hasitall as he fights to save his failing reputation.

Some impish person, with a mischievous sense of humour (who could that possibly be? eds), appended Halsall's signature to the excellent petition currently on the No 10 Downing Street web site, calling for an independent investigation into the city council's finances.

Readers will recall that the Lib Dim city council was branded by the Audit Commission as the worst council in the country for its lack of financial stewardship, ably masterminded for the last nine years by the smiling assassin.

No sooner had Phil Halsall's name appeared on the petition than it was spotted by panic-stricken minions in the City Treasurer's department.

They urgently tracked down the £230,000-a-year (plus Performance Related Pay) smiling assassin on the golf course where he was swinging the lead, (shouldn't he be slinging his hook? eds).

Hasitall went ballistic, seeing the jape as all part of the civil war with Colin CoverUp and a further attempt to discredit him (are any MORE attempts needed? eds).

Hasitall immediately contacted the bald legal eagle Ken Unworthy, a close ally in his fight with Cover Up, to demand immediate action.

Emails were soon winging their way to the hard-pressed web master at No 10, demanding that Downing Street immediately remove Halsall's name from the petition.

There followed lengthy legal exchanges between the worst council in the country and No 10 - including threats of a High Court injunction - all carried out at an unknown cost to the taxpayer.

Halsall, renowned for his Daily Torygraph reading habits, also had the cheek to consult Unison, to intercede on his behalf.

Hasitall even went to see his mate Chas to see if he could help out by offering to throw a fund-raising gig for Gordon.

Finally, Colin Cover Up was reluctantly forced to intervene and write to No 10 vouching for the hated Halsall's bona fides.

(Oh, the ignomy, the ignomy, eds)

Eventually, No 10 relented and agreed to remove Halsall's name from the petition, allowing him to return to the golf course with his reputation, er, intact.

Any suggestion that Gordon is now considering bringing in Hasitall to aid his besieged Chancellor, is, of course, entirely without foundation.