Showing posts with label Titanic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Titanic. Show all posts

Monday, October 29, 2007

MONEY FOR NOTHING AND YOUR KICKS FOR FREE - I WANT MY MTV, SAY THE FIREMAN, DONALD BULLSHITTER AND COVER UP!!!

A UNIQUE trio will be making a special guest appearance at the MTV music awards in Munich later this week.

Fireman Bradley, Donald Bullshitter and Colin CoverUp will all be jetting off to Germany at council taxpayer's expense.

They will be getting on down with the kids and listening to the likes of ace rapper Snoop Dogg, who is hosting Europe's biggest music show, the MTV awards ceremony.



The Liverpool trio will be paying special attention no doubt as Snoop "will bring some unique ‘DoggyStyle’ as he guides us all through the night’s awards," according to the MTV web site.

Amongst the stars appearing at the Munich Olympiahalle will be the Foo Fighters and Mika (a Donald Bullshitter favourite, eds) with awards presented by Joss Stone, Wyclef Jean and Michael Stipe amongst others.

Bradley, Bullshitter and CoverUp will no doubt spare a thought amidst all the showbiz glamour and excitement for poor old Jase the Harbarrowboy, who has been left forlorn and forgotten at his Spanish hacienda.

Sad Jase was one of the main movers behind bringing the MTV show to Liverpool next year (he was going to do his George Formby act, eds)

What the precise role of the Fireman, Bullshitter and Coverup is in Munich, or how much it will cost the city's council taxpayers is anyone's guess.

But no doubt they will enjoy their brief spell away from the cares of the council's £22million budget crisis.

Any suggestion that they are to get star billing in Munich as Liverpool's very own 'trio of toss-pots' is without any substance.

Astonishly, however, one Liverpool figure will be noticeably missing from the all-star Liverpool line-up as they are being wined, dined and tucked up overnight in a five star hotel.

Step forward Gordon Ross, the Culture Company's very own Music Co-ordinator.

Mr Ross, who has spent an awful long time planning the MTV awards in Liverpool next year, was due to travel to Germany to see the show at first hand.

That would of course, have been a perfectly legitimate business trip, because as Music co-ordinator he would have helped ensure that Liverpool was the perfect host for the MTV music show in 2008.

(Editor's interjection: It would have been even better of course, if the Culture Company had this year also sponsored a musically-talented Liverpool teenager to experience the thrill of their lives in Munich as a reward for being one of our good young citizens. But, of course, none of the Culture Company crackpots had the whit to think of anything as creative, inventive or deserving as that.)


But instead Mr Ross was surprisingly informed that his services would no longer be required at the MTV awards and that Donald Bullshitter would be accompanying the Fireman and CoverUp instead.


Mr Ross, who has a mere PHd in music, will instead be left minding the shop at the Fun Palace - still, never mind, he will be able to watch the show on his telly.


You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried, could you?


Some further questions for readers to consider...

  • Does anyone who is alive out there think this disgraceful nonsense is now getting just a little bit beyond a joke?

  • What possible justification is there for chief bureaucrat CoverUp's attendance at a pop music show?

  • Why has the Bullshitter, infamous for his karaoke performances, shoved the only musically qualified member of the Culture Company's staff out of the way?

  • Does the Fireman hold the people of Liverpool in absolute and total contempt?

  • How much is all this costing council taxpayers?
  • Will any member of the Mersey meeja try to hold any of these bastards to public account?

  • And most astonishing of all, why hasn't the great grey hope Redmundo blagged a place on the junket for himself, where he could preen his huge ego?

  • Or is he washing his hair on Thursday?

Saturday, September 15, 2007

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: McCARTNEY TO PLAY ANFIELD - Macca 1, Harbarrowboy 0


PAUL MCCARTNEY is to play at Anfield during Capital of Culture, 2008.
And the ludicrous scheme to stun fish and drain Salthouse Dock for a concert has finally been abandoned (More on this in subsequent posts....)

The McCartney gig - which is the answer to the Harbarrowboy's prayers - will be announced on September 27th.

(Unless the fact that we have just announced this world exclusive forces some of the papers to suddenly wake up, or that bloke whose name we always forget who is the Culture Company's highly paid Communications Supremo gets his arse into gear quite unexpectedly, eds)
Macca had been due to travel to Liverpool for the special announcement in two weeks time - but now has a prior engagement and sadly won't be attending. Jase will be bitterly disappointed - he was hoping to bathe in Macca's reflected glory.
Incredibly, some terribly po-faced cultural bores were also opposed to the McCartney gig being announced on the 27th, because it would take attention away from the rest of the cultural programme for 2008 which will be revealed at the same time.
But then they are labouring under the misapprehension that the second rate fare they have cobbled together matters more than the city's most famous son turning up in 2008.
Originally it had been hoped that McCartney would headline the ludicrous Liverpool Sound concert at the Salthouse Dock.
But, as we exclusively predicted ages ago, the Culture Company have now been forced to admit that their plan to dredge the dock and stun all the fishy inhabitants, is a non- starter.
It would have cost £6.5million to get the fish out safely and biff them over the head safely before transporting them to a giant tank.
So now attention will switch to Anfield. We doubt, however, that McCartney's arrival will suddenly undo all the damage caused by the incompetence of the Culture Company.
Or help save the necks of the rapidly disappearing Lib Dems...

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

THE GREAT WHITE HOPE(LESS)


And so the Great White Hope comes riding to the rescue.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Step forward the lugubrious Phil Redmond, self-styled man of the people, multi-millionaire and purveyor of ubiquitous Scouse stereotypes.

Some have greatness thrust upon them, Redmond has thrust his greatness upon us (oooeeer missus, eds)

Redmond is now, apparently, hailed the saviour of Capital of Culture, determined to stop the rot, end the nonsense and finally connect Culture with the people it is meant to serve.

He has been appointed to lead Capital of Culture into the sunlit uplands of 2008, after the second Night of the Long Knives at the Culture Company Board.

First they were 24.

Now they are just six.

We hesitate to say 'we told you so'.

Oh alright then, we don't hesitate at all.

WE TOLD YOU SO!

The Culture Board was a washed-out and washed-up collection of Henshaw's tame yes men and women, who were neither use nor ornament to the great city of Liverpool.

Like the powerless Lib Dems, who sat wringing their hands in despair on the sidelines, the Culture Board betrayed the city of Liverpool and its people.

How so?
They fiddled about while the city burned with indignation.

And Redmond is just as culpable as the rest of a Board which all sat silently on their hands while the Harbarrowboy fucked over Liverpool, good style.

Not one of them raised a voice in complaint (except the principled Joe Anderson of course, eds)

Not one of them dared to have the courage to say enough is enough.

Not one of them tried to stop the Culture Co bollocksing up the city's big chance.

They stayed schtum and silent, when they should have been shouting from the rooftops.

They are all - including Mr Phil Redmond - complicit in this comprehensive failure.

Will we get an apology?

Will we buggery.

And now we are asked to pin our hopes and put our faith in the silent one?

The man who earned his fortune on the backs of Liverpool people by caricaturing the city with ugly Scouse stereotypes?

The man who gives professional Scousers a bad name?

The man who thinks that speaking up for Liverpool means saying nothing?
You must be out of your tiny mind.
We have no confidence in Redmond. We never have had any confidence in him.

He has done fuck all in the last two years and deserves to be fucked off like the rest of them. He has proved our point.

And we particularly lack any confidence in the new Redmond regime, when Deputy Dawg is the Fireman Bradley who demonstrates his powerlessness with each passing second that the Harbarrowboy survives.

The Redmond regime will make the right noises (with the right accent - carefully preserved by a strict diet of honey and roses, eds).

But he will not bring the enduring change for the better that Liverpool needs.


Nor will he seriously consult the staff at the Culture Company who have been working hard to leave a tangible legacy, despite the handicap of the Harbarrowboy's mis-management.

Oh no, instead he will dream up a few typically tabloid schemes to buy off the limp Echo - and then suddenly proclaim 2008 a great success.

Some will be fooled by the fireworks. But we won't. We have had years of Lib Dem spin that everything in the garden is rosy. We know what's what.

Take a trip to Speke, matey. Or Croccy. Or anywhere in north Liverpool.

See if you can spot a rosy garden there.

And who ever gave Redmond the authority to lead the people's Capital of Culture, anyway?

The people certainly did not.

No-one consulted US.

No-one elected him.

No-one can fire him.

And who will hold him to account for 2008?
Deputy Dawg?

Give us a break.

Self-appointed, self-interested, self-selecting.

Self-serving.

Nothing ever changes.

PS While the knife was being wielded on the Culture Company, the Harbarrowboy is away in Spain putting the finishing touches to his retirement home. He will be gone with a huge pay-off inside the next month with some spin about his job being done.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

POSTCARD TO THE CULTURE COMPANY FROM THE HARBARROWBOY



Dear all,

I couldn't get any answer from Liverpool Direct, so I decided to send you a postcard instead. Probably a lot quicker.
I am having a lovely time here on the Costa Del Tanningmybacksideoff, sipping Pina Coladas.
I gather from that skinny fella who is our Communications Director - I've forgotten his name - that the Daily Post would like to interview me this week about the forthcoming 'Not the Mathew Street Festival.'
Can you just tell them that I have nipped out of the office for a quick sandwich and will be back soon?
Please don't let them find out that i have gone off on my jollies, just as everything is going pear-shaped.
If the Post are really desperate for some answers, can you get two of the girls to get off their arses and give the Post an exclusive interview about the programme for next year.
They don't need to say anything new - just the usual vague and empty promises will do.
Something along the lines of "world-beating....stunning events....Jase working his socks off...worth every penny, etc, etc." The usual bollocks.
We could even mention Pete Postlethwaite again, if we are really desperate.
Also can we slip in somewhere that the announcement about the 2008 programme will be in November, rather than next month as we originally promised?
No-one will notice and it will give me a bit more time to try and get Maccas phone number from someone who met him when he last came to Lipa.
By the way, has anyone seen the forgetful fireman recently? I hear he wants to be known as Hawkeye from now on because he will be keeping a beady watch on us all.


He may be watching us like a hawk, but he is still parrotting the same platitudes.
Perhaps he should be called The Parrott instead?

Have internal audit finished going through all my emails yet as part of their so-called "investigation"?

I wonder if they will find the emails I sent to Warren about the problems with Mathew Street? He now appears to have conveniently forgotten them - perhaps he doesn't look at his emails anymore after what happened to Storey-teller?

Anyway, I'm sure 'Cover Up' will make sure Bradley sees only what he wants him to see.

I hope all the fuss has finally died down now about that little Beatles event that we cancelled? It was crap anyway.

I imagine the Echo will have gone back to its daily diet of crime and second rate celebrities - I'm sure we could suggest a few names who could help them out on that if they need any more?

Anyway, time to go - I've got to have a look at some new property.

See you for the birthday party - Storey will be back from his jollies then too!

lots of love,

Jase xxx
- Pass the sun oil can you, darling?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

ADVICE TO WARREN BRADLEY ON MATHEW STREET FESTIVAL: STOP PICKING AT AN OPEN WOUND

Dear Councillor Bradley,
You are making matters worse. Stop picking at the open wound you have created over Mathew Street.
Your chief executive Cover Up and your Culture boss the Harbarrowboy have created a god-awful gaping wound in Liverpool's self-esteem and cultural reputation, which you can't cure or cover up with a cobbled together rescue plan made of sticking plaster.
Stop parading your stupidity in public, in full view of the TV cameras.
You are only drawing further attention to your crass incompetence and lack of control over the fools at the council and the Culture Company.
Worse, the nightly updates on the telly and in the papers just pile on the agony for Liverpool.
You are making things worse for the city.
Stop it now. And instead, take tough action against those responsible.

Tony's Parrishioners

Monday, August 06, 2007

IT'S OFFICIAL: AUDIT COMMISSION'S DAMNING VERDICT ON CULTURE COMPANY: 'POOR PROSPECTS FOR IMPROVEMENT'

EXTRACT FROM 2006 AUDIT COMMISSION REPORT ON CAPITAL OF CULTURE

SUMMARY....
.....6 The Council does not adequately monitor or measure value for money within cultural services. It has some information on costs but does not routinely evaluate the relationship between service quality or service outcomes and the cost.

7 There are a number of reasons why future improvement is uncertain. There is a lack of clarity around what the Council's wider ambitions for cultural provision in Liverpool will mean for local people and how it will be delivered. Planning is dominated by the Capital of Culture and it is not clear what legacy will remain after the main festival year in 2008.

8 Although improving, performance management in cultural services has been weak and the Council's performance management framework has not been effective in measuring the impact of cultural services on local people. This means that the Council cannot always judge whether its investment is having the desired effect on improving quality of life.

9 Whilst much of the funding required to deliver Capital of Culture is already in place, the Council overall has significant financial pressures and whilst medium and longer-term financial plans are being developed, this has been slow. The Council is aware that it will not be able to sustain high levels of funding for culture and through the Culture Company is looking at future funding opportunities to ensure that plans are sustainable.

-------------------------

13 The service has uncertain prospects for improvement because:
* other than for Capital of Culture, there is a lack of clarity around what the Council's ambition and vision for cultural services will mean for local people and how it will be delivered;
* there is little recognition within high level corporate plans of the role of culture in delivering strategic priorities;
* although improving, performance management in cultural services has been weak and the Council's performance management framework has not been effective in monitoring the impact of cultural services on local people; and
* the Council has significant financial pressures in other areas which may impact on its ability to finance its cultural ambitions.

WE TOLD YOU SO!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

TONY'S BLOG UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT: PITY THE CULTURE COMPANY ISN'T!

Dear loyal readers,

We have missed you.

That's why we have persuaded the legendary Tony Parrish (alive and well and living in clover, somewhere across the water, surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous followers catering to his every whim, ed) to hand over his blog to his fans (that's us, ed) so that we can carry on his good work.

And there has been no better time for a new, tougher, more uncompromising broom to sweep through Liverpool subculture than now - when the dunderheads at the Culture Company appear to have finally gone bonkers/insane/committed hara kiri - by cancelling the Mathew Street festival.

As we speak, our favourite organ, the Echo is launching a last ditch bid to hold Europe's biggest outdoor music festival (what about Glastonbury? ed) in a pub somewhere off Old Hall Street.

Our current council leader Warren Bradley has flown back from the Canary Islands, muttering "crisis, what crisis" under his breath and has also revealed his own personal 'no booze' rescue plan to save the festival.

At any moment, we are expecting Gordon Brown to divert his attention from boring foot and mouth disease and form a four piece combo with Blair, Prescott and Campbell called "the Spinners" to make a guest appearance in someone's back yard in Kensington and save the Festival.

Oh what fun we are having.

What is clear from this monumental cock-up is that the remnants of the cabal are still in control of Culture.

Bradley has allowed them to take control without the slightest effort at holding them to account.

Arrogant, unaccountable, undemocratic and a law unto themselves, Colin Cover Up and The Harbarrowboy appear to have decided amongst themselves to cancel the Mathew Street Festival.

Just like that. ("Or it could be like that" - Tommy Cooper)


Warren Bradley has professed total ignorance (no surprise there then, ed).

Which makes us wonder why anybody would want to vote Liberal Democract ever again when their leader doesn't have a clue what is going on in the city.

What's the point in voting for him then?

It seems we would be better off abolishing inconvenient elections all together and just letting Cover Up and his band of incompetents run the show forever (and award themselves huge pay rises every month, no doubt, ed)

In the meantime, Liverpool will be left to become even more of a music hall joke, scores of businesses will go to the wall, thousands of visitors will be left with nothing to do and the city will lose one of its genuinely international events.

Whats more, hard-faced Harbarrowboy and Hilton appear to have been a bit surprised by the universal outrage which has greeted their bungling decision.

Which shows how lacking in judgment they are and how little they understand the city of Liverpool.

It's a bit like the Town Clerk of Rio de Janeiro cancelling Mardi Gras and being a bit surprised that people have got just a teentsy weentsy bit upset.

What cast-iron fools we have in charge of our city.

Bradley should resign - the Mathew Street debacle happened on his watch. Professing ignorance compounds his error.

As the senior politician he must take full responsibility.

But before he goes, he should demand the resignations of both Harbarrowboy and Hilton who are complicit in the worst Public Relations disaster for Liverpool since Degsy decided to become a full-time member of the Tendency.

They are clearly incompetent and out of their depth. Their arrogance in thinking that they could get away with such a decision is typical of the cabalist rule.

They treat the people of Liverpool with utter contempt and have no respect for the city's culture, its history or how it is viewed by the outside world.
That is the only conclusion to be drawn from what Bradley himself has admitted is 'a fiasco' which now appears to be the subject of a full-scale, sadly not independent, investigation.
Even the Echo agrees and certainly the people of Liverpool must be in despair at this monumental cultural cock-up.

Time for a clear-out and a clean-up.

And time we had politicians in charge who could get a firm grip of the shower of greedy wasters at the Culture Company and the city council (preferably around the neck, ed). No one would notice any difference if the Harbarrowboy was sacked.

Either that or we could always get Warren to give Chas Cole a ring and see if he can save the day ?

Perhaps we can hold the Mathew Street Festival in Sefton, instead?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What do you think of that for a first effort then? Not bad, though I think we could have been a bit more direct and uncompromising. Yeah, I know, i pulled a few punches didn't I? Never mind, you will get the hang of it before too long - - and there will obviously be lots more opportunities to have a go. That's true. Do you think Bradley will really sack Harbarrow? No chance, if he did he would be admitting he was in charge of a catastrophe - they will all hang on to their jobs and we will lurch on to another crisis. Suppose your right....)

COMING SOON:

REVEALED: THE HARBARROWBOY'S SECRET PROPERTY BUSINESS IN SPAIN or

"Why I go missing every Friday and have such a fetching tan" or

"No wonder the Culture Company is in such a mess when the guy in charge fucks off to the sunshine every weekend to pursue other private business interests...." (allegedly, ed)
ps you can get in touch with us at tonysparrishioners@hotmail.co.uk

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

CoC RESIGNATION No 2: CULTURE EVENTS BOSS QUITS...


The shock departure of Culture Company Events boss Lee Forde is a huge blow after the resignation yesterday of Joe Anderson.

Anderson's departure was a major political setback, destroying the cross-party consensus which had been created when the Culture nomination was won in 2004.

At a stroke it has given the green light to a ferocious political battle over 2008, for at least the next 18 months.

Forde's departure is a huge body blow to the nuts and bolts of the organisation - he was one of the few competent senior managers still working in the Millennium House Fun Palace.

More than that, Forde was of the city. He knows Liverpool, understands Liverpool and has been active and professional in trying to improve the city's cultural offer.

He was central to all the plans for events in the city over the next 18 months - Mathew Street, Tall Ships, the opening and closing ceremonies and all the other public events that the city usually stages.

However, never one to hide his feelings (a true Scouser then, ed) he has made no secret of his increasing cynicism about the way the Culture Company was being run.

He has rolled his eyes as the well-paid likes of the Harbarrowboy, the bullshitter Donaldson and the invisible man communications boss (we have actually forgotten his name! Paul something isn't it? ed) have made Liverpool a laughing stock.

Forde had made no secret of his contempt for their amateurish machinations, their constant changes of mind, their bright ideas that are world-class one day and jettisoned as easily the next, and their awe-inspiring ability to spend tens of thousands on the third rate.

But most of his colleagues have been completely taken aback by his walk-out. He had just had enough of all the 'fannying about' as he memorably described it.

Certainly Forde's Number 2, Eddy Grant will have no hesitation in now telling the Harbarrowboy exactly where to go if he is expected to do Ford's job as well.

Which means the Harbarrowboy will either give the job to someone who is patently not up to it from within the organisation, or he will throw a huge wad of money at an outside consultant to try and dig them out of the deep do-do.

But given the particular circumstances - six months away from the start of 2008 and right in the middle of the historic 800th birthday celebrations (we joke, ed) few sensible operators will want to volunteer for the job.

It is a poisoned chalice, even for someone like Andy Redhead, a professional operator who staged the Robbie Williams world tour and has worked for the city before.

Unless - someone else, someone completely different, can save the day.

Step forward Chas Cole.....


PS We will be returning soon to the subject of the Culture Company's spiralling salary costs and the astonishing invoices for chauffeurs and posh dinners, which Joe Anderson exposed.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

JOE ANDERSON QUITS CULTURE - A MAN OF PRINCIPLE AND INTEGRITY



LABOUR leader Joe Anderson has resigned from Capital of Culture in disgust at its failures.

We agree with everything that Councillor Anderson says - which is why we are reproducing his entire statement from today's Daily Post...



CITY Labour chief Joe Anderson today walked away from his Capital of Culture role and accused the festival board of failing to deliver on its promises.
In a hard-hitting attack he said the Culture Board and the Culture Company were:
FAILING to engage communities and “real” people.
FAILING to provide a 2008 events programme that excited people.
FAILING to provide a worthwhile legacy for the city and missing the chance to kick-start creative industries.
He lashed the city council for “mismanaging” the 08 funding equation and leaving Liverpool £20m short.
Cllr Anderson vowed to fight on from his position as Opposition Group leader in an effort to ensure the city delivered the best-possible Capital of Culture.
He said: “Wherever I go I have community groups say that they don’t feel part of Capital of Culture.
“People are constantly complaining about over emphasis on city- centre investment and when you visit parts of Speke and see the dereliction there it really hits home.
“I’ve been going round mounting a robust defence of Capital of Culture but my heart hasn’t been in it.”
Cllr Anderson claimed 08 had moved away dramatically from the promises within the bid document that persuaded the Department of Culture, Media and Sport to award Liverpool the Culture accolade in 2003.
He said: “I met the judges – Jeremy Isaacs, Tessa Sanderson – and told them all about the communities and our bid’s aspirations for them.
“But these aspirations simply haven’t been met.”
And Cllr Anderson – born in the city centre just yards from the Paradise Street development – also refused to acknowledge that the so-called “2008 effect” had played a massive part in the city’s fast-paced economic renaissance.
He said: “It’s a myth. The renaissance is real but it was begun by European Objective One funding and maintained by government grants.
“Don’t forget that when the bid document was launched the Grosvenor shopping development was already in the bag as was development of the King’s Dock. Renaissance was kicking in anyway.”
Cllr Anderson also claimed arts organisations and creative companies have been betrayed by the way 08 has been developed and have suffered from lack of involvement and no worthwhile legacy.
He pointed to Liverpool’s literary legends Alan Bleasdale and Willy Russell as people who should have been consulted and utilised, perhaps in the creation of theatre schools to develop young talent post-2008.
He said: “I ask myself what the legacy benefits will be and I can’t really answer that question. The Tall Ships coming back again? A bigger Mathew Street Festival?
“There is no cultural legacy – only lack of involvement and lack of vision.”
It was an open secret in political circles that Cllr Anderson was struggling to reconcile his role on a cross- party and public-private sector board with his position as the city’s premier voice of opposition to the ruling Lib Dem Group which controls culture activity.
He now believes he can work more effectively “unfettered” by collective responsibility.
He added: “I’m now free to make whatever comments I deem constructive – sometimes positive, sometimes critical.
“I’ve felt for months that talking to some members of the culture board is like banging your head on a brick wall.
“Everything is met by defensiveness or accusations of negativity.”
Cllr Anderson said he believed the culture board was guilty of building up unreasonable expectations about the festival from the word go.
He said: “This festival will not be the wealth-creating, job-creating panacea for all the city’s ailments that it was cracked up to be.
“There is still time to provide people with the opportunity to take part and also to give the cultural sector better opportunities to participate.
“And if there’s one good thing to emerge from all the money that’s been spent it’s that the city has got a re-branding. It might be money well spent. We now need to have confidence in what the city has to offer.”
Cllr Anderson said he would continue “with passion” to promote the city in a positive way.
“This isn’t about party politics. It’s about me as a person and a Liverpudlian. And about a city with a legacy of debt.”

Joe Anderson on .....

... ROBYN ARCHER

WHEN she was brought in everybody thought WHO?
But it was the Emperor’s New Clothes and no-one said much. Then we hardly saw her for 12 months – even though we were paying her. She then comes up with a programme and that’s when I came up with my remark that the only Aussie she hadn’t signed was Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. David Henshaw and Mike Storey brought her halfway across the world but she knew so little about Liverpool. She quits and we’re a laughing stock, giving her a huge pay-off while community groups are getting knocked back for £2,000.

... THE 2008 PROGRAMME

I’M not convinced there’s really anything outstanding in there.
There’s nothing that jumps out – no wow factor, no big theme. I’m terrified the 2008 opening ceremony is going to be all about B-list celebrities. And as for 2007 we’re already halfway through it and I don’t detect any great birthday excitement.

... 08 BOARD MEMBERS

PHIL Redmond and Roger Phillips were a breath of fresh air and I wish we had a few more like them. They are not controversial but they speak as they see it and as people in the street see it.
There should definitely be a broader mix of people on the board. In four-and-a-half years we haven’t achieved much.

... THE FUNDING DILEMMA

THE council has failed to prepare a war chest since COC was awarded in 2004. The Government has supplied more than the £10m requested by the city council in the Bid Document. Hoping that the Government would bail out the city if it let the problem fester until the last minute was a high-risk strategy.
The council should have been honest with the people and said “Look, this is what Cultural Year will cost and we will have to save for it between 2003 and 2008”.

... COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT

VISITORS might like 2008 but I don’t think residents will.
Go to Dingle, Everton, Speke and you’ll find people who’ve come up with ideas but they are frustrated at getting neither financial nor physical support. It’s a failure that we haven’t encouraged them to participate.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

MAN OVERBOARD! DID HE JUMP, OR WAS HE PUSHED?

Drummond Bone-Head has finally resigned as Chair of the Capital of Culture Board.

Did he jump to go to a highly paid university sinecure somewhere more salubrious, or was he pushed over the side by fireman Bradley?

Whatever the answer - and there is much informed speculation about both possibilities - one thing is clear.

His departure brings to an end two wasted years, during which time his Culture Company Board have done a resounding bugger all to make 2008 a success for Liverpool.

Instead they have constantly re-arranged the deck-chairs on the Titanic (and thrown public money around like it was confetti), while watching helplessly from the rails as the ruinously expensive ship slides slowly beneath the icy waters (he's getting quite poetic these days, isn't he? ed)

The Maserati-driving Bone Head has been singularly unimpressive. His dull and listless performances have, at times, even made the Harbarrowboy look as though he has got half a brain.


Indeed he is only just trailing behind Jase in the 'sack him' demands from blog afficionados.

Bone-Head's main claim to fame has been cosying up to professional Scouser Cilla Black at some posh do for the great and the good in Westminster. This was in fact, why Bone Head agreed to be Henshaw's placeman on the Culture Company Board - so some of the anticipated (but still missing, ed) glitter would be liberally sprinkled over his benevolent shoulders and he would pick up a gong in gratitude from Gordon Brown's New Years Honours list for 2008.

Alas, for him both the glitteratti and the gong have failed to materialise (like much else that has been promised for 2008, ed)

So another departure from the Culture Company - first Robbing was given the push and then there was a night of the long knives for the other useless placemen and women who were serving themselves. It is bound to raise even more questions and doubts about the 'plans' for 2008. (But you won't read any of this in the Echo, ed)

Bone-head has been an utter disaster in charge of the do-nothing Culture Board and is jumping ship before he is forced to carry the can for 2008.

Which means, someone (Roger Phillips? Phil Redmond? Colin Cover Up? Cilla? ed) will now have to step forward to shoulder the increasing burden.

Talk about a poisoned chalice...

Betting for the new Chair of the Board: That bloke from the Phil 6-1, Mike Storey 9-1, Roger Phillips 25-1, Sexy Rexy 50-1, Stan Boardman 9-4 on, Tony Blair 5-4 (well he's got nothing better to do now, ed), Cilla evens, Jimmy Tarbuck 250-1, Sir Diddy 500-1 (and he was lucky to get the one, ed)

Friday, April 13, 2007

LUXURY YACHT COST £25,000 DURING £265,000 CANNES TRIP

HIRING a millionaire's yacht in Cannes for Colin Cover Up and Fireman Bradley cost council taxpayers £25,000, a Freedom of Information answer has revealed.

They were both able to relax and sunbathe on the luxurious boat which was used for breakfasts, lunches and a string of informal drinks receptions.

And the staggering total bill for Liverpool's week long jaunt to the south of France was at least £265,000.

If you think extremely hard and can come up with slightly better ways to spend public money - (ie, cutting crime, repairing houses, cleaning the streets, improving the schools, extending care, ed) - please do not hesitate to tell us.

The Freedom of Information answer reveals that it cost the city council £10,000 alone in accomodation and flights to send a footie team of council bureaucrats to Cannes for the jaunt last month.

These included Cover Up (also now known in council circles as 'safe hands', ed), Bradley, new Regeneration chief John Kelly and Culture Company Marketing chief Kris 'bullshitter' Donaldson.


Their out of pocket expenses bill for taxis, a round of orange juices, entertaining, dancing girls and boys, etc - (all those receptions, ed) - has not been provided by the council.


In addition, the city council, which is £29million in the red at the moment, coughed up another £50,000 out of its depleted coffers for the MIPIM week.

More public money swelled the total bill to an astonishing £265,000 - Liverpool Land Development Company and Liverpool Vision both chipped in £25,000 each and The Mersey Partnership coughed up a paltry £15,000.

All of these organisations are, of course, funded by city council taxpayers.

So the people of Anfield, Kensington, Picton, Croxteth, Everton, Speke, Garston, Norris Green, Dingle, Toxteth, etc, etc, have paid twice over for Bradley, Cover Up and Co to swan about on a yacht for a week.

Big Business in Liverpool contributed £150,000.

Unfortunately, no Freedom of Information answer will tell us what benefit MIPIM has brought to the city of Liverpool, how many jobs it has created for Liverpool people, how many extra training places it has provided for Liverpool's young people, or how much extra investment it has attracted to Liverpool.

BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

GUESS HOW MUCH CAPITAL OF CULTURE IS GOING TO COST YOU....??????

£400!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that's the bill for every household and business in the city to plug the £29million black hole in the council's budget.

So how can this be? Didn't the city council promise that there would be no extra cost to Liverpool's council tax payers when it first drew up the bid for Culture?

Well, yes, it did. But things have changed now apparently. Through a spectacular mixture of sheer incompetence, obscene profligacy and rank arrogance the city council has contrived to find itself £29million short of balancing its books.

The lion's share of this - £22million - is for Culture, which is currently spending money on 'who knows what' like it is going out of fashion. The city council needs another £7million just to maintain the existing level of poor quality council services. Total = £29million.

The solution offered by the smiling assassin Hasitall (Phil Halsall, £169,000 a year Executive Director for Finance for those who don't know, ed) whose stewardship of the council's finances is may conceivably be to blame, is to beg, steal or borrow the necessary spondulicks from elsewhere. Any suggestion that, as the responsible officer, he had been criminally irresponsible with the city's finances would be criminally irresponsible, of course.

The council can either beg the Government for more dosh (and get lost, ed), it can steal the money from council taxpayers (already done that several times, ed) or it can borrow.

So it will do a combination of Options 2 and 3, while Warren 'I'm just a fireman' Bradley indulges in the distraction of the usual Lib Dem knockabout stuff aimed at the Government.

Meanwhile the city council will re-mortgage buildings like Millennium House (used to be known as Jase's Fun Palace, ed) and take out some more mind-boggling loans.

Either way, the result will be very clear.

Capital of Culture will leave a post-2008 legacy for the people of Liverpool of a huge new £29million debt. That works out at £400 for every home and business in the city. So we will all be in hock.

And all the time, the consultants and the highly paid Executives will have been happily lining their own pockets, thank you very much. And producing nothing very impressive for 2008 in return.

All of which puts McElhinney's Liverpool Direct scandal, Henshaw's bumper pension pay-off, the jobs for the boys, the £3million Summer Pops fiasco, the astronomical salaries, the foreign trips, the criminal pay-offs, the consultants fees, the freeloading, the waste and the neglect all in a bit more perspective doesnt it?

Monday, February 12, 2007

THE SUMMER POPS: JIM FIXED IT FOR THEM!!!!

Sir Jimmy Fixit ABE said...

Now then, now then, goodness gracious me, guys and gals.
Not owwwnly Top of the Pops, but now the Summa pops, you see.
Gone! Oh! Oeeh, oeeh, oohh!
When I was running the marathon with Chas and Dave, who appeared with me many times you see, both of them more rabbit than Sainsbury's.I asked them to try and get Sho-waddy-waddy, for this years event,top billing!
but no they had other ideas, Sonny and Cher tribute band singing " I got you a gig, Abe"
Now I have been in this business menny-menny years ladies and gentlemen and I have been round the block.
You cannot have a tribute band as top of the bill. So my suggestion was, Pinky and Perky to be brought on as top of the bill but apparrently they had done a runner to France when they heard that The Scaffold may be on stage.
So if you are reading this boys, the scaffold in question is the one with Roger McGough, the limerick writer, although I thought he was from Liverpool, Martin Boermann..no, that's not right,no, John Gorman, who invented the bucket of water, and the brother of Lonnie Donnegan, Mike MeCamera.
Just imagine the crowds singing along at the end of the Pops to Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron. Oh yes! you see....

Thankyou very much for the sunken pier head

thank you very much
thank you very very very much.
Thank you very much for the traffic chaos,
the line 1 tram scheme,
The Iconic fourth grace,
the massive pension,
the office shower,
the Status Quo gig,
The Kensington One Stop,
The free car parking,
the half price child fares,
The robbing Archer.........thank you very very very much!

Actually it's quite a long song, maybe that's why they pulled the plug.

Never mind there's always next year...and the Phil Harmonica Orchestra are free to perform outside of the new met centre. Just a few coppers and a bottle of Thunderbird is all that would cost.

Monday, February 12, 2007 12:50:00 AM
Delete

Thursday, January 25, 2007

ANOTHER CULTURE COMPANY COCK-UP - TO COIN A PHRASE...

LIVERPOOL is hard-up for creative ideas and bankrupt of any influence in Westminster.
Those, we are afraid, are the only conclusions to be drawn from the Royal Mint's refusal to give Liverpool its own special coin to celebrate 2008.
The outright rejection has met with the usual plethora of puns from the Echo (the habit is catching, ed) along the lines of the city being short-changed, etc, etc.
The Daily Post has launched a Culture coin campaign, while the Echo's Joe Riley has weighed in (and that's a considerable amount, ed) with his own beef about the knock-back.
Before long the great and the good will be co-erced into lending (no pun intended, ed) their public support.
This is all part of the rich but predictable tapestry of so-called sophisticated media 'debate' in Liverpool.
But it shouldn't obscure anyone to the real facts about this Culture Company bid for a celebration coin.
First and foremost, it is a pretty shitty idea.
Are we really saying that this is what we want from government for 2008?
A few baubles and trinkets, such as a specially minted coin and a postage stamp?
And then we will all be happy if Gordon Brown gives in?
How pathetic and provincial we must appear in Whitehall.
And how easily diverted we are from the real purpose of 2008 which was, and should be, to use the year to ensure the genuine and inclusive regeneration of the city.
Let's not worry about the jobs which are not being created, the communities which continue to be ignored, the people who are denied hope and the generations which deserve a better future.
No, lets have a campaign about a coin instead.
Utterly ridiculous.
The Harbarrowboy is bleating in the pages of the Echo for the people of Liverpool to get behind his campaign for a coin. (Perhaps he could give a lead by giving the people of Liverpool some of the coins back from his £175,000 a year salary? ed)
At the same time, he is now claiming the credit for Manchester's Commonwealth Games coin, (so it's not even an original idea? ed)
His pathetic demand for Liverpool to have a coin as well, serves two useful purposes -
Firstly, it demonstrates the utter immaturity of the city's cultural leadership and its total bankruptcy of creative ideas.
Secondly, it focusses even more attention on the Harbarrowboy's distinct lack of credibility anywhere near where it matters.
What has he been up to these last three years? Counting his own money?
Twice he wrote to the Treasury, appealing for a culture coin, the first time as far back as June 2004.
Twice he has been routinely ignored by the mandarins at the Mint.
So much for Liverpool's campaign to win hearts and minds in government!
We won't make any comment on what his repeated failures say about the expensive Westminster lobbying services being provided by Jase's mates in the PR company, LLM (see previous posts).
Unbelievably, the Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown is now being asked to personally intervene to reverse this so-called 'snub'.
And before long there will be the entirely predictable whinging that Manchester got one for the Commonwealth Games, and Newcastle for its bridge, why can't we have one for Culture?
This is a fair question to the simpletons deciding the fish and chip paper editorial policy of our fair city's esteemed organs.
It makes for an easy story and a headline.
But it is utterly besides the point.
A two-bit coin from the Treasury is not what we need for the great city of Liverpool, Europe's Capital of Culture and celebrating its historic 800th birthday this year.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

THE CULTURE COMPANY IS REALLY FLAGGING NOW...

WE ARE LITERALLY SPEECHLESS AT THIS....

---- Original Message -----

Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 11:55 AM
Subject: FLY FREE 800TH BIRTHDAY FLAG

For Immediate Release Tuesday, January 16 2006

FLY FREE 800TH BIRTHDAY FLAG

Landmark locations and businesses in Liverpool are being urged to fly the flag for the city’s 800th Birthday.

Distributed free of charge, businesses with flag poles are being invited throughout this January to parade a special Liverpool 800 flag.

And at 10.30am on Wednesday (January 17) the city’s official number one residence – Liverpool Town Hall – will set an example with a civic unfurling of its flag, witnessed by Lord Mayor Councillor Joan Lang and Leader of Liverpool City Council Councillor Warren Bradley.

The Liverpool Culture Company is encouraging businesses across Merseyside to support the 800th birthday year and help promote the commerce of the city in the run up to the city being European Capital of Culture in 2008.

Businesses with flag poles can request a flag, which come in two sizes - 4yard and 4ftby2ft - by e-mailing commercial@liverpool08.com

All members of the 2008 business forum – 08businessconnect – are also being invited to display a free desktop version in their receptions, meeting rooms and on their company vehicles. Non-members can join 08 businessconnect for free to ensure they too receive a free flag, which can be picked up at the 08 place in Whitechapel from Monday 22 January.

Councillor Warren Bradley, Leader of Liverpool City Council and Business Champion for the city, said: ‘’We want businesses to lead the way and publicly set the tone for celebrating our 800th. Businesses have played a major role in making the city world famous, from Meccano to Littlewoods, and through 08businessconnect they have a unique opportunity to make a name for themselves and the city once again.’’

Lord Mayor Councillor Joan Lang, said: ''One of Liverpool’s defining characteristics is the pride people have in the city – and looking back on 800 years of dramatic history there is a huge amount to be proud of. This flag is little way of celebrating that fact. Hopefully the sight of them on our streets and in offices will stir people's spirits and remind them we have a big future too.''

ENDS

PHOTO-CALL: Liverpool’s Lord Mayor and Council Leader attend civic unfurling of special 800 flag.
LOCATION: Liverpool Town Hall, High Street
DATE: Wednesday, January 17
TIME:10.30am

NOTES TO EDITORS:
08businessconnect will stage 13 events in 2007 offering vital opportunities for businesses of all sizes to network with key buyers and suppliers wishing to work in Liverpool in lead up to 08 and beyond. For more details log on to www.08bsuinessconncet.com

For further information please call Mike Doran at the Liverpool Culture Company on 0151 233 6761 or 0780 145 3918. For the latest news from Liverpool, European Capital 2008, visit www.liverpool08.com

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

LIVERPOOL MAKES HISTORY WITH 800TH BIRTHDAY YEAR


WASN'T that an utterly spectacular and fantastic start to Liverpool's 800th birthday celebrations?
The way that the Culture Company engaged all of the people of Liverpool right from the beginning of the year was immensely impressive.
Community engagement, genuine partnership working and a real creative impetus combined to give the anniversary year of 2007 a magnificent start.
No one on Merseyside can have failed to be impressed by what was on offer to celebrate this historic year.
It literally had everything.
And we are sure that further afield, in the corridors of power in Whitehall and amongst Britain's great cultural institutions, there was a pleasing recognition that Liverpool had made a huge contribution to world culture right at the start of this very special year for the city.
Such an impressive launch to 2007 certainly bodes exceedingly well for the rest of the year.
And its definitely one in the eye for all those nasty and prejudiced Jeremiahs who, with those typical Scouse whinges, had moaned and groaned about the Culture Company's plans for this year.
It was great to see the city council and the Culture Company so actively involved in providing civic leadership, putting into action a new political vision for Liverpool and finally helping to bring hope to some of the city's most deprived communities.
And after all, dear readers, that's what we are all about, isn't it?
We had to wipe away a tear from our eyes as we gratefully realised that we have been fundamentally wrong all along and these two great, powerful institutions are determined to make a real difference and to make Liverpool a force to be reckoned with once again in this, our anniversary year, with a truly world-beating offer of culture and heritage.

And to make such a brilliant start even more memorable, the planning and foresight that was shown in forseeing every eventuality shows how far the city has really come since it was last forced to cancel the traditional New Year's Eve firework display.
We really have learnt some tremendous lessons since those dark days haven't we?
Well done to everyone involved in kicking off 2007, Liverpools 800th birthday year in such spectacular fashion.
We are sure you will all wish to echo these words of gratitude.
We take back every word of utterly unfounded critiscism that we have ever uttered against the Culture Company, in particular, and the city council, which now can take its rightful place as one of the country's great municipal marvels.
We cannot apologise enough to Colin 'Cover up',(Colin Hilton, ed) The Harbarrowboy Boy (Jason Harbrow, ed) and to all of those moderately rewarded Directors and senior executives who were involved in this special launch for a very special year.
They should all be truly proud of the magnificent contribution they have already made to making 2007, Liverpool's 800th birthday, a really unforgettable year.
(Have I missed something, somewhere? ed)
(BFIA - Blog Friends International Award, ed)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

BANNED AGAIN! Culture Company spin chief gives blog order of the boot!

CULTURE company spin king Paul Newman (also known as 'the invisible man', ed) has banned the blog again!
The move follows the city council's ban on the liverpoolevilcabal blog earlier this year, which badly backfired when it created huge national interest.
Not one to learn from such past mistakes, Newman has now ordered his news staff, under threat of disciplinary action, to stop sending us Culture Company press releases.
So while Newman is perfectly content to keep the Daily Mail, Express, Star, Sun and other national journals of ill-repute fed with Culture Company bollocks (which they all blissfully ignore anyway, ed) he has drawn the line at the Liverpool subculture blog.
"He doesn't like what you are saying about the company," explained one insider, "so he says that from now on you can get your information from elsewhere. We have been told we will be suspended if we send stuff out to you."
Quite how Newman justifies this selective distribution of public information (surely you mean Culture Company mallarkey? ed) is anyone's guess.
Perhaps a friendly councillor might have the temerity or the bottle to ask him the question. After all Newman is a public servant, publicly accountable, spending public money on public information. Or not, as the case may be.
Newman, the Director Of Communications, (we're not kidding, ed) has distinguished himself at the Culture Company by being indistinguishable from the wallpaper and by his willingness to say 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir' to anyone who cares to listen.
The loud critiscism of the Culture Company's failure to communicate anything decent, has been deafening. But Newman has so far escaped all responsibility. (Probably because no-one knows he exists or what he does, ed)
Apparently, our Christmas quiz was the source of much unhappiness inside the Fun Palace at Millennium House (and we thought this was the season to be jolly, ed) together with our affectionate and oft-repeated nickname for Jason the Harbarrowboy.
News officer Mike Doran had originally put us on the Culture Company's email list (thanks Mike, ed) but then the alarm was raised when Newman saw our site.
We were instantly removed from the list and told never to darken the Culture Company's doorstep ever again.
So as a result, we are going to slink off into a corner, lick our wounds and start to praise the Harbarrowboy and all who sail with him aboard the Titanic. Either that or we will be forced to cease production of this site entirely.
Only kidding. (He's had a few too many sherries with his mince pies folks, ed)
But you will be glad to learn that we do still have some loyal and kind friends amongst those who the Culture Company has deemed suitable to receive its words of wisdom.
They are happily forwarding on to us every press release, as soon as it is issued by Newman's loyal staff. So no harm done.
Not that we pay much attention to what is written, but, you will understand, its the principle of the thing, isn't it?
For when did official censorship become one of the Culture Company's 08 responsibilities?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

CULTURE COMPANY BOARD RE-ARRANGES THE DECK-CHAIRS ON THE TITANIC


MAN ON BOARD!

The Philharmonic's chief exec, Michael Elliott has been brought on board the sinking ship of the Culture Company.
Elliott (known as 'Mick' to counter
the Phil's famed cultural elitism) has been appointed for two days a week as yet another 'Cultural Advisor' following the departure of Robbing Archer.
Elliott's qualifications for this Titanic role are a bit of a puzzle.
First of all he is a bureaucract and has no cultural credentials whatsoever.
Secondly, the '
Phil' has always shown a lofty and arrogant disdain for 2008.
It was alone amongst the city's big cultural institutions in making hardly any contribution to the successful 2008 bid.

And it has been noticeable by its absence from all things Culture Company ever since.
The Phil is famous for always going its own way and
doing its own thing - despite the heavy public subsidy it receives from the city council's taxpayers (a bumper £1.3million last time, ed.)
So if Elliott has been brought on board to try and tackle one of the Culture Company's biggest faults - the lack of consistent, comprehensive and sustainable engagement and involvement of Liverpool people - then he does not have a proud track record at the Phil.
After all, the Phil is hardly famed for serenading shoppers at Tescos, or inviting inner city kids backstage, or sending out string quartets to entertain the crowds at Anfield or Goodison, is it?
That would be mixing with the hoi polloi a bit too much, wouldn't it?
Far nicer to stay safe with its Wirral-based clique of conservative converts.
So our guess is that Elliott has been brought in to try and sort out the Culture Company bureacracy, which under The Chief Executive of Nothing, has signally f
ailed to deliver anything whatsoever.

The official press release says this:


"Michael will work with the Culture Company Chief Executive, Jason Harborow,
(thought the Harbarrowboy was still interim? ed) and the creative team (Robbing's nervous early appointments, ed) to advise on the Culture Company's planning and its relationship with the cultural organisations and practitioners in Liverpool and build on the already close links with the DCMS and Arts Council England. ( I don't understand a word of this either, but neither do they, so we can all remain in total ignorance, ed)

"He will also work closely with the Chief Executive in assessing the artistic and cultural structure required to manage the future development of the 2008 programme, its communication and delivery. "
(gawd help us, ed)

In other words, Elliott has been brought on board at the last minute to try and keep the sinking ship afloat and:


a) to keep an eye on the money
b) to keep an eye on the bureaucracy
c) to keep an eye on The Harbarrowboy

Whether his appointment works, never mind reconciles the various warring factions on the Culture Company Board (of which more later, ed) remains to be seen.

The job should obviously have gone to Lewis Biggs, whose successful Biennial is one of the few cultural events to put the city
on the international map, but he clearly refused to partake of the poisoned chalice.

Other things that should be said about Elliott:

1) Henshaw once memorably dismissed him as a 'lightweight' (that's recommendation enough then, ed)

2)Henshaw also conspired with Elliott and the shadowy Phil Chairman, Roger Lewis, into getting rid of former conductor Gerry Schwarz in the most disgraceful and shameful way. So Elliott is a ruthless hatchet man. (And we shall be watching Lewis in future, ed)

3) No one likes Elliott at the Phil.

So I wouldn't hold your breath for any great changes in direction as the Culture Company ship goes steaming towards the 2008 iceberg.

How the council use Ripa to spy on you....


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