Dear loyal readers,
We have missed you.
That's why we have persuaded the legendary Tony Parrish (alive and well and living in clover, somewhere across the water, surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous followers catering to his every whim, ed) to hand over his blog to his fans (that's us, ed) so that we can carry on his good work.
And there has been no better time for a new, tougher, more uncompromising broom to sweep through Liverpool subculture than now - when the dunderheads at the Culture Company appear to have finally gone bonkers/insane/committed hara kiri - by cancelling the Mathew Street festival.
As we speak, our favourite organ, the Echo is launching a last ditch bid to hold Europe's biggest outdoor music festival (what about Glastonbury? ed) in a pub somewhere off Old Hall Street.
Our current council leader Warren Bradley has flown back from the Canary Islands, muttering "crisis, what crisis" under his breath and has also revealed his own personal 'no booze' rescue plan to save the festival.
At any moment, we are expecting Gordon Brown to divert his attention from boring foot and mouth disease and form a four piece combo with Blair, Prescott and Campbell called "the Spinners" to make a guest appearance in someone's back yard in Kensington and save the Festival.
Oh what fun we are having.
What is clear from this monumental cock-up is that the remnants of the cabal are still in control of Culture.
Bradley has allowed them to take control without the slightest effort at holding them to account.
Arrogant, unaccountable, undemocratic and a law unto themselves, Colin Cover Up and The Harbarrowboy appear to have decided amongst themselves to cancel the Mathew Street Festival.
Just like that. ("Or it could be like that" - Tommy Cooper)
Warren Bradley has professed total ignorance (no surprise there then, ed).Which makes us wonder why anybody would want to vote Liberal Democract ever again when their leader doesn't have a clue what is going on in the city.
What's the point in voting for him then?
It seems we would be better off abolishing inconvenient elections all together and just letting Cover Up and his band of incompetents run the show forever (and award themselves huge pay rises every month, no doubt, ed)
In the meantime, Liverpool will be left to become even more of a music hall joke, scores of businesses will go to the wall, thousands of visitors will be left with nothing to do and the city will lose one of its genuinely international events.
Whats more, hard-faced Harbarrowboy and Hilton appear to have been a bit surprised by the universal outrage which has greeted their bungling decision.
Which shows how lacking in judgment they are and how little they understand the city of Liverpool.
It's a bit like the Town Clerk of Rio de Janeiro cancelling Mardi Gras and being a bit surprised that people have got just a teentsy weentsy bit upset.
What cast-iron fools we have in charge of our city.
Bradley should resign - the Mathew Street debacle happened on his watch. Professing ignorance compounds his error.
As the senior politician he must take full responsibility.
But before he goes, he should demand the resignations of both Harbarrowboy and Hilton who are complicit in the worst Public Relations disaster for Liverpool since Degsy decided to become a full-time member of the Tendency.
They are clearly incompetent and out of their depth. Their arrogance in thinking that they could get away with such a decision is typical of the cabalist rule.
They treat the people of Liverpool with utter contempt and have no respect for the city's culture, its history or how it is viewed by the outside world.
That is the only conclusion to be drawn from what Bradley himself has admitted is 'a fiasco' which now appears to be the subject of a full-scale, sadly not independent, investigation.
Even the Echo agrees and certainly the people of Liverpool must be in despair at this monumental cultural cock-up.
Time for a clear-out and a clean-up.
And time we had politicians in charge who could get a firm grip of the shower of greedy wasters at the Culture Company and the city council (preferably around the neck, ed). No one would notice any difference if the Harbarrowboy was sacked.
Either that or we could always get Warren to give Chas Cole a ring and see if he can save the day ?
Perhaps we can hold the Mathew Street Festival in Sefton, instead?
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(What do you think of that for a first effort then? Not bad, though I think we could have been a bit more direct and uncompromising. Yeah, I know, i pulled a few punches didn't I? Never mind, you will get the hang of it before too long - - and there will obviously be lots more opportunities to have a go. That's true. Do you think Bradley will really sack Harbarrow? No chance, if he did he would be admitting he was in charge of a catastrophe - they will all hang on to their jobs and we will lurch on to another crisis. Suppose your right....)
COMING SOON:
REVEALED: THE HARBARROWBOY'S SECRET PROPERTY BUSINESS IN SPAIN or
"Why I go missing every Friday and have such a fetching tan" or
"No wonder the Culture Company is in such a mess when the guy in charge fucks off to the sunshine every weekend to pursue other private business interests...." (allegedly, ed)
thank you very much
thank you very very very much.
Thank you very much for the traffic chaos,
the line 1 tram scheme,
The Iconic fourth grace,
the massive pension,
the office shower,
the Status Quo gig,
The Kensington One Stop,
The free car parking,
the half price child fares,
The robbing Archer.........thank you very very very much!
Actually it's quite a long song, maybe that's why they pulled the plug.
Never mind there's always next year...and the Phil Harmonica Orchestra are free to perform outside of the new met centre. Just a few coppers and a bottle of Thunderbird is all that would cost.