"WON'T YOU PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

MIKE STOREY has blundered again with claims that Sir Paul McCartney is to play a Liverpool gig during Capital of Culture.
The former council leader, not known for his discretion, told a private meeting of Liverpool businesspeople that Macca was being lined-up for the gig with '"friends".
Of course bungling Storey did not apparently realise that his words would be immediately reported in the Liverpool Daily Post and start yet another 'will he, won't he?' hare running about Macca.
The truth is this: The Culture Company are desperate to sign up McCartney for 2008.
He is being offered millions to fill the huge gaping whole left by their premature announcement last Monday about the 'Concert with No Stars (yet)' on the waterfront, in the summer.
Even that Aussie charlatan, Robbing Archer understood that McCartney's presence was fairly essential to the success of the entire Capital of Culture year.
Robbing had some imaginative plans to persuade McCartney to play Liverpool, giving him complete artistic control of a day-long gig or series of concerts throughout the summer.
As artistic 'curator' Macca would have been able to choose who would have appeared on the same stage and which other artists to give a platform to.
McCartney has already made it crystal clear that he wants to give a showcase to young Liverpool talent from LIPA in particular (good for him, ed)
Not unnaturally, Macca also wants to be given the final say about anyone else who is going to try and muscle in on the act.
After all he is a global superstar, and in 2008, Liverpool needs Macca more than Macca needs Liverpool (true, very true, ed).
All of this was being slowly and carefully negotiated by the Harbarrowboy and assorted minions from the Culture Company.
But now that Storey has opened his big fat gob, there are serious concerns that he could spook Sir Paul and put him off the gig. (After all he is not going through the easiest of times at the moment and could do without more hassle.)
No one from the Culture Company is talking about the Macca gig or confirming Storey's indiscretions, because premature publicity could ruin their chances.
Interestingly, despite all the brave words at the launch event last Monday night, Storey clearly felt under pressure to talk up 2008 because it has so far failed to capture the public imagination.
He was anxious to re-assure business that 2008 is still on track - so he revealed the plans for McCartney "like a rabbit out of a hat" as Warren Bradley might say.
Macca's appearance in his home town in 2008 would, of course, go a long way to answering the critics. (As long as the city council doesn't give all its staff first preference for tickets, like McElhinney and Halsall dreamed up last time, ed)