Saturday, February 23, 2008

WE WUZ WRONG......

VIVA LAS VEGAS!: AN APOLOGY.

Ten days ago, we predicted that the Lib Dim Leader of Liverpool City Council, Councillor Warren Bradley would be forced to resign within the month. We made this bold forecast in the full knowledge of the Fireman's amazing freebie tickets to see 'Love' in Las Vegas.

We were wrong.

It is now apparent that the Fireman will not be forced to resign, despite abusing his position and taking public money to gain a personal advantage.
No pressure will be put on him to go by members of the Lib Dim group.
The city council will not not order an independent enquiry.
The matter will not be referred to the Standards Board.
Nor will the District Auditor be asked to investigate.
The local government Ombudsman will not get involved.
The council's own internal Standards watchdog will not take it up either.
Colin CoverUp will either hide under his desk pretending that it all has gone away or throw another bucket of whitewash over it.
The Echo will not put the story on their front page - they are too busy concentrating on Scouse slebs, drug runners and bogus Redmond stories.
BBC Radio Merseyside probably still don't even know about Las Vegas.
And no one is listening to City Talk.

We therefore deeply regret deliberately misleading our loyal readers and falsely raising their hopes, without any foundation whatsoever.
We would like to sincerely apologise to them for our mistake and for the Fireman's continued failure to resign.
The only explanation we can give for this regrettable set of circumstances is that we obviously have higher standards of ethical behaviour, public service and political integrity than others.
And a far greater sense of what is right and what is wrong.
It is clear to us now that the Fireman's behaviour is not seen as remotely unusual, corrupt or extraordinary in Liverpool.
We apologise for ever believing otherwise.

Friday, February 22, 2008

VIVA LAS VEGAS! FIREMAN BRADLEY FINDS 'LOVE' ON THE RATES....!

City council leader Warren Bradley has admitted that council taxpayers footed the bill for two free tickets he got to see Cirque du Soleil's Beatles 'Love' show in Las Vegas.

The tickets, which cost between $102-$165 each, were paid for by city council taxpayers while Fireman Bradley was on holiday in the States with his wife celebrating his 40th birthday.

A mystery, but public-spirited, Culture Company employee has blown the whistle on the jaunt in an anonymous, un-dated, note.It reads:
"I feel I need to bring to your attention a very serious and probably criminal act by the Leader Mr Bradley. Given his recent press comments about honesty and success in driving out respected officers we can no longer stay silent.

"Last year he visited the USA for his “40th birthday” with his wife. Whilst there he visited Las Vegas. He contacted the Capital of Culture office and demanded we pay for 2 tickets for a show he wanted to see. We were told to pay for the tickets as the leader felt they were too expensive. There is a record of this payment.

"Why? This was a private holiday and nothing to do with 08. When is this corruption going to stop? The Chief Executive, Jason, has all the details. Please investigate this matter and stop this abuse."

So the Fireman has now admitted that he blagged two free tickets to see the show while on his jollies.

Labour councillors say that he has defended his 'freebie on the rates' by claiming that he was asked to go and see the show as part of his official council duties as Leader.

Presumably the Fireman maintains that forking out for free tickets is the least the city council can do when its conscientious and hard-working Leader decides to break up his holiday by going to see a terribly tedious show somewhere in the middle of the desert and having to drag the missus with him (lah, eds)

Whether he has any evidence to support this bizarre assertion that it was all part of his official duties we do not know. Is it minuted? Does he have any non Lib Dim witnesses?

Nor do we know how many other freebies the Fireman has blagged while Leader of the city council - or whether this freebie show was unique.

And if this was the only freebie he has blagged, why this one?

We do know, however, that former Culture Company chief executive Jason Harborow had already twice travelled to Las Vegas to see the show and talk to Cirque du Soleil - once in the company of Clare McCogloose.

This was despite the fact that Cirque du Soleil had made it clear when first approached about bringing the show to Liverpool in 2008, that it could not physically be brought out of its home at the Mirage hotel in Las Vegas.

Quite what is the exact justification for Councillor Bradley and his wife getting free tickets to see the show a third time, is anyone's guess.

The Fireman certainly did not need to see the 'Love' show to assure himself of Cirque Du Soleil's professionalism and expertise.

That is beyond question.

Nor did he need to see The Beatles show to decide if it was suitable material for a Liverpool audience in Capital of Culture year.

That too is beyond question.

Nor is a decision to try and bring 'Love' to Liverpool something that he should or would have taken personally.

If such a thing had been possible, the decision would have been taken either by the Harbarrowboy and/or the Culture Company Board.

If Bradley wanted to know anything more about the show, he could simply have Googled the reviews and web sites from the safety of his home in Wavertree.

Why didn't he?

We have no information that he had any official meetings with Cirque Du Soleil representatives while in Las Vegas.

Did he? With whom? When? Where?

If he did not have any meetings with Cirque du Soleil while on 'official council business', why ever not?

Did he inform the chief executive of the city council of his free tickets?

Have they been declared in the register of Member's Interests?

Did any Culture Company official arrange or timetable this show?

How has the cost of these two tickets been met, precisely, by the Culture Company?

Who approved it and why?

What paperwork exists?

Did the Fireman report his in-depth 'findings' about 'Love' when he returned to Liverpool after seeing the show? Is this minuted? Is there a report? If not, why not?

WE THINK WE SHOULD BE TOLD THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND MANY MORE QUESTIONS.

Because unless and until these questions are satisfactorily answered, the suspicion will be that Councillor Bradley abused his position as Leader of the Council to gain an advantage - contrary to the Local Government Code of Conduct.

Some of his Lib Dim colleagues will no doubt say that the $204-$330 total cost is neither here nor there. (Why didn't Bradley pay for them then? eds) Especially when the city council is now £60million in the red and going cap in hand to the Government to be bailed out.
But it does indicate an arrogant, seemingly routine abuse of council taxpayer's money by the Lib Dim Leader of the council.

We do not believe an internal council investigation, along the lines of CoverUp's discredited Mathew Street 'probe', will be sufficient to allay justifiable public concern. Only an independent enquiry will do.

We also believe that the District Auditor should be asked to investigate.

It may be that another official complaint needs to be made to the Standards Board to allow a further investigation.

We await developments with interest.

But one thing is clear, the old Beatles song was wrong:

If you are Lib Dem Leader in Liverpool, money can buy you 'Love.'

Sunday, February 17, 2008

LEAKED EMAIL NO 2: Oooooooeeer, Get her! "I DON'T NEED ADVICE ON THE CITY SOLICITOR'S POSITION - I AM PREJUDICED...."

THE STORY SO FAR:

Warren is not speaking to Colin, who is not speaking to him back. But Colin IS finally speaking to Dr David about LDL. Colin has also told Warren, in a leaked email, that he wants to appoint Chris, Peter and Richard (amongst others) to become Assistant Exec Directors of the bankrupt city council at a cost of about half a million quid. But Colin doesn't have any money left in the kitty cos it's all been spent on Culture, so a few low-grade staff may have to be sacked instead. Meanwhile Colin has warned all the LIb Dim Cabinet (who he IS just about still speaking to) that he is taking expensive legal advice on the appointment of the new City Solicitor because they all think the current hopeful incumbent, Ken Unworthy, aka the bald legal eagle, is a complete fuckwit and absolutely useless and shouldn't get the £100,000 job. Lib Dim Councillor Marilyn Fielding, one of Dr Dave's very many blonde female friends, has just read Colin's warning email over her Sunday breakfast and has, typically, hit the roof. She has reached for her £8,500 council computer - but it isn't working. So she picks up her blackberry instead. Now read on...)

-----Original Message-------
From: Fielding, Marilyn
To: Hilton, Colin (Chief Executive); Bradley, Warren (Leader of the City Council);/*Executive Directors
Cc: /*Executive Members
Sent: Sun Feb 03 11:48:54 2008
Subject: Re: Interim Appointments at Senior level

Dear All,

I will not be needing any advice either internal or external to advise me on my position regarding the solicitors position.

As you are well aware Colin I said in a meeting with you Phil Halsall and Warren Bradley that I would not appoint Mike Kenworthy to that position. I said at the time I made that statement that I was prejudiced and would not be able to take part in the interview

I have also told you about a conversation I had with an Ex Director (no doubt another cosy chat with Dr David McElhinney, chief executive of Liverpool Direct Limited and aka the hated rottweiller, eds) re this position so I am confident therefore by the comments in your email that prejudicial interest relates to officers as well as members.

Regards,

Cllr Fielding
Sent from My Blackberry Wireless Handheld

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

LEAKED: EMAILS BETWEEN BRADLEY AND HILTON - "LET'S HAVE MORE CHIEFS AND WE CAN SACK A FEW INDIANS..."


BELOW is an email exchange between the cowboy Fireman Bradley and Cover Up which has kindly been leaked to us.
It reveals the arrangements which the £60million-in-the-red city council is making to employ five new highly paid Assistant Executive Directors.
We don't know how much this little lot will cost, but we reckon in the region of half a million quid. A mere snip.

At the same time CoverUp warns of 'tensions' around the staffing levels of the plebs which will have to be 'carefully managed'.

(Basically he says 'we may have to sack some people because we ain't got any money and can't redeploy them or give them voluntary severance anymore', eds)
Of particular interest to loyal readers (and you are growing in number at a fantastic rate btw) are the arrangements to appoint a new £100,000 a year City Solicitor, a post currently occupied very badly by the bald legal eagle, Ken Unworthy.

CoverUp's stark warning to Bradley that certain councillors - no names, no pack drill - might be prejudiced about Unworthy and may need to be excluded from the appointment panel reveals the civil war which now exists between the ruling Lib Dims and senior officers (the off-spring of the cabal, eds)

CoverUp also reveals his plans to hire ruinously expensive legal advice to prevent the eventual appointment being legally challenged.

In other words, Hilton is hiring legal advice about a legal appointment which may be legally challenged by the bald legal eagle Unworthy if he doesn't get the job.

Still with us?

But it's nice to see a united team really working together on behalf of the people of Liverpool isn't it?

However, it is also of immense relief to see Cover Up and the rottweiller McElhinney are now having regular cosy chats about staffing matters. (Like putting a paedophile in charge of a nursery, eds)

The rottweiller McElhinney, who is now pulling more than £200,000 a year with Performance Related Pay, will be leading the charge to get rid of people.

However, Town Hall watchers will be fascinated at what the email exchange reveals about the relationship between Bradley and CoverUp.

Since Stilton Hilton refused to back Bradley's account of the Peroni meeting with Lee Forde, the pair have enjoyed a 'frosty' relationship.

More like ****king Siberia, we hear. The pair never speak and now only communicate on very formal terms. The Fireman is said to feel 'betrayed' and 'badly let down'.

But not half as betrayed and let down as Lee Forde feels, we wager.

For his part, Stilton Hilton has completely given up on the Fireman and now regards him as 'beneath contempt' and 'both childish and stupid' as he told his Executive Management Team recently.

At this juncture we shall make a daring forecast - we confidently believe that Bradley will have been forced to quit as Leader within the next month. We will treat you all to a night out if we are proved wrong. If we are right, the drinks will be on you!
Here's email exchange No 1....
------Original Message--------

From: Bradley, Warren (Leader of the City Council)
To: Hilton, Colin (Chief executive)
Cc : /*Executive Members
Sent: Sun Feb 03 09:27:43 2008

Subject: Interim appointments at senior level

Colin,

Following the information provided by you regarding interim appointments at AED level, can I have a definitive timescale on each post and whether the post is necessary?

Also can I have an update on the HR issues that have been raised on several occasions by individual EM’s, and what process is being implemented to remove our unease.

Thanks

Warren Bradley
Leader of Liverpool City Council

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

-----Original Message--------
From Hilton, Colin (Chief Executive)
To: Bradley, Warren (Leader of the City Council); /*Executive Directors
Cc: /*Executive Members
Sent: Sun Feb 03 11:09:25 2008


Subject: Re: Interim appointments at Senior level

Certainly
AED Policy and Programmes- Richard Nutter will take over from Mark Kitts on 17th March
AED Community Safety- Agreed by panel last week to advertise on a one year secondment basis to citysafe partners
City Solicitor – Currently out to advert and with recruitment specialists Rockpools. Provisional panel date is 28th Feb. We will need to ensure the panel availability also takes consideration of any member who may be viewed as having a prejudicial interest in respect of any applicant. I shall be using external legal advice in this respect once applicants are known.
AED Sport Leisure and Libraries – Currently held by Chris Briggs. This will be considered in bringing forward proposals in May for the post 08 structure of the Authority.
AED Chief Executive - Currently held by Peter Cosgrove. This will be considered in bringing forward proposals in May for the post 08 structure of the Authority.

Critical considerations in respect of the last two posts will be the agreed priorities of the administration, decisions on commissioning, outsourcing and partnerships, decisions on the neighbourhood agenda, the legacy and cultural strategy and the medium term financial plan.

On Human Resources issues there is the general interface with LDL. David McElhinney and I have been meeting more regularly and embarked on a series of managerial actions to assist in better management of strategic and opertional (sic) matters. The single status and equal pay work is now better resourced and making progress.

Policy work has been prioritised to make the new Redeployment/VS/CR system effective and operational.

Sample case study reviews of matters raised particularly by Councillor Fielding eg the case involving employee YP have produced reports and recommendations leading to changes of practice where appropriate.

As I hope you will have seen particular high profile work eg Gladstone House has been thoroughly undertaken despite the attempts to portray a very different picture by the TUs although I am certain members were not naieve (sic) enough to take the statements made at Council at face value.

Finally I would point out that both the organisation and financial environment is different from a few years ago where large swathes of staff represented significant over manning, there was a tolerance capacity of hundreds of people permanently rotated on redeployment into wholly unsuitable positions and vs packages including enhancement were much more readily available. It is necessary now to be more robust but with less resource than before and this is going to produce tensions that will require careful management.

If there are specific issues continuing to cause concern at a policy level then I am only too happy to discuss them with the member concerned or through Peter as the responsible Executive Member.

Best regards

Colin Hilton
Chief Executive
Liverpool City Council
Liverpool, European Capital of Culture 2008

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

COMING SOON: LEAK NO 2: Who says: 'I would not appoint Kenworthy'? Stay posted.......!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

THE COWARDS WAY....


BOTH the cowardly cowboy, Fireman Bradley and cowardly Colin CoverUp were nowhere to be seen today.

Too frightened to stand in front of the cameras and defend their abysmal record of failure, they took refuge under their desks and behind closed doors.

This is the behaviour we have now sadly come to expect from the Lib Dim Leader of Liverpool city council and the £250,000 a year (plus Performance Related Pay) chief executive.

Fireman Bradley, who is getting his trade a bad name as each day passes, is not normally so reluctant to get his picture taken or to attempt to recite a semi-intelligible statement handed to him on a piece of paper by a spin doctor.
Bradley and Hilton have no integrity and no courage. They shame Liverpool.

From behind their Town Hall shields, they instead threw the smiling assassin Halsall out to face the world's press.

(We took some pleasure in this, since as Executive Director for Resources, Halsall bears much - but not all - of the responsibility for Liverpool's bottom of the league position, eds)

But displaying breathtaking arrogance and complacency, Hasitall contrived to make matters worse!

His litany of excuses and typically patronising attempt to rubbish the Audit Commission's official ratings formula, underlined how much Liverpool has to do to clean up its act.

Radio Merseyside's Roger Phillips sounded thoroughly non-plussed to find Hasitall in total denial.

The BBC's Gordon Burns looked genuinely gob-smacked as the slouching Hasitall gave the distinct impression that he was distinctly tired of all this silly nonsense.

The only voice of sanity came from the Audit Commission who may well now have lost patience with the city council and their willingess or ability to put things right.

We might see some movement here in the next few weeks.

For our part, we would strongly suggest that the decent and honourable course of action for the men who have caused this mess, would be to submit their resignations with immediate effect.

We know who they are.

You know who they are.

And thankfully, as each day passes, the people of Liverpool are beginning to know who they are.

NB: We still have Jase to look forward to on City Talk tomorrow morning. After our free plug the other day City decided to save a bit of dosh and reduce their full page advert to just a quarter page: "The gag's been lifted...let's talk".

But stand by for a load of self-justificatory tosh from the Harbarrowboy.

He too will fail to admit any responsibility or failure.

After all, it's part of the Job Description.

THE COWBOY RUNNING THE WORST COUNCIL IN THE COUNTRY....

WORST COUNCIL IN COUNTRY LATEST: FIREMAN RUNS FOR COVER

FIREMAN Bradley is refusing to give interviews about the city council being ranked the worst in the country. He has disappeared from view, completely. So too has every other member of the Lib Dim Executive Board. Colin CoverUp is also hiding under his desk. So that leaves Hasitall lined up for Roger Phillips's prog on Radio Merseyside - so perhaps the smiling assassin can take questions from the people of Liverpool about the shambles they have created in the last ten years? Christ knows who the city council are going to offer for interview to City Talk - probably Coco the Clown! Meanwhile click here for the Daily Post story. And we wait with bated breath to see the spin in tonight's Echo...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

IT'S OFFICIAL: LIVERPOOL IS THE WORST COUNCIL IN THE COUNTRY!

  • Audit Commission officially ranks Liverpool city council bottom of the league

  • Council is the worst of 500 other local authorities in Britain

  • Fireman Bradley shown red card by watchdogs

  • CoverUp Hilton still to collect £250,000 a year

  • So too will incompetent Finance chief Hasitall

  • Echo to launch astonishing whitewash
LIVERPOOL city council has today been officially ranked bottom of the league table of 500 local authorities in Britain.

The verdict has been given by the Audit Commission in their Comprehensive Performance Assessment Annual Review.

The Review gives the city council - which pays the chief executive and Executive Directors the highest salaries in the country - just one star for its overall performance. The maximum is four stars.

The shameful rating comes just a week after the city council was also found to have the worst financial management in the country, thanks to Hasitall and Fireman Bradley's incompetence.

But already, under-siege chief executive Colin CoverUp has launched a desperate spin operation to try and limit the damage and protect his position.

By all accounts the craven Echo appears to have swallowed the spin hook, line and sinker and will trot out the line that, despite languishing firmly in the Vauxhall Conference relegation zone, the city council is still poised to become European Champions.

The Audit Commission's Annual Review is followed next week by its overall four-yearly CPA Report.

That will again give Liverpool city council two stars for its overall performance - no improvement on the previous rankings and still wedged in the bottom 25 per cent of local authorities.

Close observers of the Liverpool Town Hall scene will notice that after ten years in power, the Lib Dims have woefully failed to make any improvement in services - although they have dramatically improved the bank balances of a handfull of fat cats

After a disastrous and costly experiment, nothing has changed for the better for the people of Liverpool.

THE HARBARROWBOY GETS READY TO SING LIKE A CANARY!!!!

THE Harbarrowboy is to go public and sing like a canary in an exclusive radio interview with City Talk this Friday.

Jase is expected to use the opportunity to formally announce that he has submitted a complaint to the Standards Board against both Fireman Bradley and the Storeyteller.

And we certainly hope that he will dish the dirt and spill the beans on secret emails and text messages and phone calls and meetings and reports and all the usual stuff we have by now come to know and love.

For some reason this will be a sensation all over the news, radio and telly - even though Labour's Joe Anderson got in first with an official complaint about Bradley and Storey weeks ago.

However, we will not let that tiny detail spoil our enjoyment of all this as the political drama unfolds in the run-up to the local elections in May.

It is certainly a newsworthy item that the former chief executive of the Culture Company is officially complaining about the Leader and his Regeneration side-kick in Liverpool's year as European Capital of Culture.

(By the way, who can we complain to if we have a complaint about an officer of the council then? You guessed it - Cover Up! eds)

We also find it astonishing that both CoverUp Hilton and Hasitall, closely advised by Sir Diddy Henshaw on the dog and bone, have actively encouraged Jase to stick the knife into their political 'masters'.

And that the 'do nothing' chief exec and 'can't add up' finance chief did not insist on a 'gagging clause' in Jase's pay-off deal to stop him singing.

Looks as though the pair believe Bradley and Storey's days are now numbered and have decided to cut their losses and ditch them.

At which point we will only pause to congratulate the brave and principled former Events boss, Mr Lee Forde who did the decent thing and turned the bastards over for their attempted conspiracy to get 'poor Jase'.

It was he who started the ball rolling and, we suspect, it is he who will be the only one to emerge from this godawfulmessforLiverpool with his reputation intact and totally undamaged. If anything, his reputation has been enhanced!

Meanwhile we can exclusively reveal further details of the Harbarrowboy's appearance between 7-9am on Friday morning on City Talk's Phil Easton show. (Ridiculous free plug - but who gives a stuff? It promises to be a highly entertaining show, eds)

City Talk are so jubilant at their undoubted coup that they have had the brass neck to take out a full page advert in Thursday night's Echo.

The dead tree press look as though they may have caught a severe cold here, so watch out for some attempted 'spoilers' in the Echo and Post.

Radio Merseyside will pretend it is not a story, of course.

Quite what Jase will talk about for two solid hours - he is booked for the entire show - is anyone's guess.

But he did always fancy himself on t'radio and no doubt the bullshit will flow.

It certainly won't be Four More Years or Great Triumphs of My Time in Office.

Get set for: "I am really proud of all that I have achieved, its going to be a fantastic year, enjoyed every minute, Mathew St not my fault (obviously), Culture Company in fine fettle, bullying Bradley, secret meeting with Forde a disgrace, I did nothing wrong, CoverUp and Hasitall are my mates, proud to have made a difference to the people of Liverpool, did my bit, I have single-handedly changed Liverpool's image, anyone fancy a cornetto? etc, etc."

The usual bollocks in other words.

Stay tuned, folks!
You really couldn't make this stuff up....

Friday, February 01, 2008

EXPOSED: A TALE OF TWO CITIES - SPIN VERSUS SUBSTANCE


WE reproduce below, for your entertainment, the full text of the press release issued by Randy Newman on the sad occasion of the resignation of Jason Harborow, aka The Harbarrowboy.

It is a triumph of spin over substance worthy of serious study by students of the genre (he means us, eds).

So we have, therefore, provided our own translation. Enjoy.

"Jason Harborow, Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company, has announced today that he is stepping down from his post.

Translation: We have been forced to pay off the Harbarrowboy, because the Fireman Bradley’s stupid emails and secret meetings meant that Jase could take us to the cleaners for constructive dismissal with all the attendant disastrous publicity that would ensue from such a high profile case. And we couldn’t stand another round of ruinous headlines in our Culture year.



...He has successfully steered the Culture Company from its inception to readiness...

Translation: Jase has spent all his time feathering his own nest and looking after his own interests, by hopping from one job to another in his four years at the Fun Palace. He made sure that he never stayed in the same place long enough for the penny to drop that he couldn’t deliver a stamped addressed envelope if it killed him. (Which it very nearly did). Everyone agrees the Culture Company is utterly ramshackle, incompetent and hopeless and no-one has the foggiest idea where all the money has gone or what is supposed to be happening.

...of the Culture Company, including raising private sponsorship funding...

Translation: He couldn’t even do the job he was originally appointed to do – raise private sponsorship. The city council is still £5million adrift of the amount he promised to raise, no-one knows whether a penny in hard cash ever came in – it was always support ‘in kind’ which meant that we are now knee deep in crap Echo non-stories, Sayers pasties and sausage rolls, Ethel Austin undies and free legal advice for Jase from Hill Dickinson...

...and the delivery of the much acclaimed artistic programme for 08....
Translation: No one has acclaimed the artistic programme at all, except for us at the city council and the Echo. At least half of the population seem to be scratching their heads and wondering when something is going to happen, but we don’t give a toss about those oiks on the council estates, obviously. Most of the good stuff has been put together by our established cultural partners, but we have claimed all the credit and have managed to slap our 08 brand on everything that moves. Tee hee.




Mr Harborow said: “I have fulfilled my pledge to the people of Liverpool...
Translation: I have ripped you mugs off, big time. By the Christ, I have filled me boots with your dosh. Dick-heads. I am laughing all the way to the bank – and you have let me! Fantastic result.

...my job is done...
Translation: “I have spent the last six months on the sick and got full pay! That amounted to £100,000 in the bank for doing fuck all - except sit in the hacienda sucking ice lollies. I have achieved what I set out to do – bugger all. And since my sick pay was going to go down to half the amount, I thought I would jack it all in now and let my drinking mate Col pay me off with a handsome cheque.

...and it is time now for a new challenge”....

Translation: I am going to see Bradley off first of all, by submitting an official complaint to the Standards Board. Hasitall and Cover Up have been egging me on to do it for months and nothing would now give me greater pleasure than
to see Bradley barred from public office. Cheeky bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is? It’s us officers who run the council, not the morons like him who stand for election. With a bit of luck, I will come across as the innocent victim of it all. Even though I cocked up Mathew Street, everyone will forget all that when Bradley is led in chains down Dale Street. Then I am going to do a bit of consultancy to any other European cities who are gullible enough to pay any attention to a word I say and give me lots more lucre. I might do a bit of extra shopping in Chester, I have got some personal stuff to sort out and after that it will be a life of Riley back at the hacienda. But not Joe, obviously....




He is moving on to pursue new business interests and is to step down from his post at the end of the month...


Translation: We have no idea what he is going to do now and we don’t care, we just want to see the back of him PDQ.



He went on to say: "I have very much enjoyed my time in Liverpool...
Translation: This bloody city has been a fucking nightmare. First Finnegan sussed me out as a total fraud within weeks, but Henshaw thankfully got him out of the way for making sure the papers knew Henshaw wasn’t going to get his pension. Then Forde started kicking off about me cutting the Mathew Street budget and threatening people’s safety. What do I care about Scousers? But thank Christ Forde packed it in too. I had to laugh when Bradley had a go at him. It was priceless! If you ask me my recipe for success, I would say that I soon learnt not to stay in the same position for too long – so no-one cottoned on to what I was doing, until it was all too late. I have to say I learnt from the master - Sir Diddy. He taught me everything I knew. Must go for a coffee with him, next time I am in Manchester. I suppose I will end up paying as usual.

...It has been a tremendous challenge but we are there...
Translation: Thank Christ I am getting out of here before it all goes pear-shaped.

...2008 will be the beginning of the future for Liverpool and its entire people, and I am grateful that I was able to play a role in that...
Translation: This sounded really good when Randy read it to me over the phone, but now I have no idea what it means. I hope he doesn’t mean all that Creative Communities bollocks that the Scousers were obsessed with trying to promote. All those horrible unemployed people – trying to teach them about Culture was a bit like teaching Hasitall financial management. A hopeless case. They deserved being ripped off. Numb-skulls.

...Other personal business opportunities have opened up for me next year and I wish to concentrate my efforts on these...
Translation: I shall bullshit my way around the world.

...I have therefore taken the decision to leave now, confident that the programme for 2008 will make it the most successful Capital of Culture ever...
Translation: I am getting out of here sharpish, before people wise up. With my pockets full of dosh.

...I am leaving behind a strong organisation moving forwards into its delivery role..."
Translation: I have left it all in the hands of The Ego Our Lord Redmond, who just wants his name in the papers and nutters like McCogloose, who will just agree with the first person she hears. Half the staff are applying for other jobs like it is going out of fashion, the other half daren’t admit they work for the Culture Company for fear that it will ruin their reputations for life. The place is a total laughing stock. And I haven’t mentioned the money yet. But that’s your problem now, suckers!



Colin Hilton, Chief Executive of Liverpool City Council, said: “Jason has made a huge contribution to the city over the last four years in leading the team that has developed such a strong programme for 2008.

Translation: Am I really supposed to say this? Are you sure? I don’t know what the hell has been going on over there for the last four years. Where has all the money gone? No one has got a grip on it at all. Consultants kept on waltzing in and out as if they owned the place. They probably did, with all the money the city council was paying them. It wasn’t for me to interfere either. I am a council bureaucrat, I don’t do culture. I have no idea what the artistic programme is at all. But the brochure has lots of nice pictures in it. I just can’t be bothered to turn the pages. My mum seems to like it though.

...He brought flair and a commercial edge to our work....
Translation: Jase was great. He seemed to know lots of people in the private sector, which was obviously a very good thing, and he brought them in regularly to help us out with all kinds of things. They did an excellent job, by all accounts. One of these friends of Jase’s presented me with a nice grey fleece, which keeps me very warm, and also gave me a lovely wooly hat for my mum. Which was really very kind and thoughtful of him, I thought. They have done a fine job for Liverpool – just like BT and Liverpool Direct. It has been a real partnership. I am just waiting for a full report about what has been achieved.

...and will always be remembered for his enthusiasm and ability to engage the support of the most top level people across sport, government, the arts and other institutions.”


Translation: Jase was a terrific bullshitter. The Government ministers were so gullible it was incredible and they believed every word he said. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know who half these people are. I recognised a few faces from the telly though. One of them got a ticket for my mum to go and visit the House of Lords. She had a really nice day. Redmond went with her – he said something about going on a recce. The cultural lot/arty farty set were a piece of cake – they wouldn’t say boo to a goose, anyway. Even if Jase had pissed all over their chips.



Bryan Gray, Chairman of the Culture Company Board, said: "I would like to thank Jason for his contribution to the success of the Capital of Culture over the last few years.
Translation: I can’t believe I am saying this. Jesus, the things I have to do for these clods in Liverpool. Good job I have taken it over now, after I told that Fireman Fella what was what. He soon got the message. Pygmy.

...I am sure that everyone associated with the Liverpool Culture Company will join with me in sending best wishes to Jason for his future..."
Translation: I am not giving any radio interviews about this tosser. I would choke on these words.

How the council use Ripa to spy on you....

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