Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
WANTED 'DEAD OR ALIVE' - THE HARBARROWBOY............ or............. CULTURE COMPANY IN ANOTHER SPIN
The list of professional Scousers and 80's has-beens being lined up for the Culture Company's launch 'ceremony' is growing.
Latest addition to Jase's "team" is Pete 'button yer lip' Burns - unless fate hits him with another plastic surgery disaster.
Brave Pete has promised to turn up on January 12th, whether Dead or Alive.
His loyalty to Liverpool has already got the Harbarrowboy and his Culture Crew spinning right round, baby, right round, like a recor....(oh shut up will ya! eds)
Any suggestion that Pete has been booked because he is still mates with Jayne 'Mersey Tunnel' Casey would be totally without Foundation. (Of course, eds)
We are sure he will be worth every penny of his appearance fee - it may even pay for some extra plastic surgery so that Pete can celebrate 2008 with another new look.
But Christ knows what Burns will do on the night - perhaps a reprise of his legendary appearance with George Galloway on Big Brother?
Perhaps a sparkling duet with Cilla? That would be a lorra, lorra laughs.
Perhaps he will just do his gobby Scouser "act"?
Whatever Jase decides on, we are sure it will show Liverpool's unique contribution to 21st century culture in the most positive global light.
We now are beginning to fully understand what Redmond meant when he promised the people of Liverpool 'Scouse culture.'
(When are Sinbad and Jimmy Corkhill being announced then? eds)
Friday, September 21, 2007
LOVABLE ex-moptop Ringo Starr jets into town next Thursday to help launch 2008.
The little scamp has agreed to join the great and the good - well at least Redmond, the Harbarrowboy and Fireman Bradley - to launch the Cultural programme for next year.
Ringo, who lives in Monte Carlo normally, has a new single coming out with Dave Stewart from Eurythmics and is anxious to give the disc a plug.
The Beatles drummer is also booked to take part in the launch ceremony on January 8th next year when, Surprise Surprise, he will join Cilla Black (you are joking, eds) and Mr Stewart (what's his connection with Liverpool then? eds) in a 'spectacular' sing-song from the roof of St Georges Hall.
(Come to think of it, what's Cilla's connection
with Liverpool? eds)
Ringo and Cilla will introduce a unique segment of the show called:'Professional Scousers Back in Town for the First Time in Fifty Years and Just as Likely to Disappear as Fast as They Arrived". (we made up that last bit, eds)
Ringo's contribution to Liverpool's culture is being touted as one of the highlights of the 2008 Programme. No one is making any similarly grandiose claim's for Cilla's contribution, Surprise, Surprise.
Next Thursday, just for old time's sake, Ringo may even exchange some of that famous madcap Beatle banter with Macca, who will appear in the city via video link to promote his Anfield concert. (Will anyone ask Sir Paul about the stunned fish? eds)
You read it here first...
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
REDMOND: THE RAKE'S PROGRESS, OR HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE (NOT). EPISODE ONE - "I WANT 'SCOUSE' CULTURE"
SELF-styled 'man of the people' Phil Redmond is already making a tremendous impact on Capital of Culture.
The multi-millionaire's exhortation to every headbanger in the city to ring the Culture Company with their madcap schemes has already got staff in open revolt.
The procession of nerds, nonentities and ne'er do wells out to try and make a fast buck out of public money, has resembled a lengthy queue of X Factor rejects.
Long-suffering Culture staff, already victims of the Harbarrowboy's regime of chaos, have taken to posing as passers-by to avoid the procession of Culture Company callers who have obviously just escaped from the nearest loony bin.
Staff have also begun to find all sorts of meetings and other wondrous excuses to be out of the office when the phones start ringing off their hooks with nutters at 9am every morning.
Porters have now been positioned to repel any suspicious boarders from the decks of the Titanic.
So, when it might have been wiser to try and win the loyalty of Culture staff, Redmond appears to have quickly alienated them.
And that's not all.
Should any of these idiotic ideas be pursued beyond the back of a fag packet, the creators will quickly find that there is no money left in the cupboard to pay for them.
Unless our multi-millionaire Cultural saviour wants to dip into the £30million he trousered from the sale of Mersey TV to pay for something himself?
If not, the disappointed might end up a bit disgruntled with Redmond too.
And that's not all.
Redmond appears to have alienated Colin 'Cover Up' too by blabbing to the meeja about 'his' plans for 2008, without first agreeing the line with the city council.
Hilton wandered un-noticed into Culture the other day and after about an hour, when he finally managed to attract the attention of a handful of staff, was forced to apologise for Redmond's shock and unaccountable outburst.
In fact, the first that the Culture Company's £75,000-a-year Communications chief, The Invisible Man, Paul 'We'veforgottenhisnameagain', New about it all, was when someone mentioned in passing that TV cameras were filming the unelected Redmond outside the Town Hall.
Hilton promised those staff who were still listening to his mumbling that he would be having a strong word with our new Cultural guru and would be marking his card in future. (Gee, Redmond must have shat himself at that, eds)
Our hero also appears to have alienated the Labour Party, of which, unaccountably, he is still a member. (Is he trying to buy himself a peerage then soon? eds)
Redmond had the brass neck to appeal to the Labour Party to cease its entirely legitimate questioning and critiscism of the activities of the Harbarrowboys inside The Fun Palace at Millennium House.
He wanted them to stop. To cease. Forthwith.
And thus leave the way entirely clear for him to bravely step into the breach and parade himself as the saviour of our city.
Joe Anderson's response to this remarkable request was suitably short, eloquent and to the point.
And that's not all.
The Lib Dems are similarly up in arms at Redmond's suspicious arrival on the scene of the Culture car crash, thus diverting any chance of favourable publicity next year away from their current leader, Bradley the Fireman (tell me the same old Storey, eds)
And that's not all. (oh get on with it, will ya? eds)
Those in the city who can best be described as 'the chattering classes', 'the great and the good' or ' the usual suspects' are also getting hot under the collar about Redmond.
They are already asking questions about Redmond's connection with Liam Fogarty's campaign for an elected mayor.
Word in the boardrooms is that Redmond has been secretly bankrolling the Mayoral campaign, although we have seen no evidence of this. Yet.
So, after stepping reluctantly into the limelight to introduce Macca at Anfield, Redmond will then presumably wait for a delighted and grateful populace to carry him shoulder high to the Town Hall.
In fact, at the moment, the only people who appear to approve of Redmond is our local meeja.
The Echo in particular has been wedged so far up his arse that it has almost disappeared from view (no such luck, eds)
One journalist has been heard to speculate that the Echo's abandonment of any pretence at neutrality, impartiality or investigation may lead to an official complaint by the NUJ to the Press Complaints Commission.
The Echo's tame and uncritical subservience to the drawling Deputy Dawg, who appears to think he has just wondered on to the set of a third-rate soap opera, is apparently justified as being "in the city's best interests".
Which, interestingly, is also how they justified their silence over the criminal activities of Henshaw and the evil cabal.
In 2002 Phil and Alexis Redmond sold part of their Mersey TV stake for £30m to private equity group LDC in a management buyout. In 2005 LDC and the Redmonds sold out to London-based rival All3Media in a deal reported to total between £35m and £45m.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Interestingly, this insane plan to drain the Salthouse dock, biff the unsuspecting fish on the head and then transport them safely to a giant tank, all so that Macca could play Mull of Kintyre, was the brainchild of Kris 'bullshitter' Donaldson.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
TODAY'S INSPIRATIONAL HEADLINES FROM THE LIVERPOOL ECHO ABOUT CRIME, DEATH, MURDER, DRUGS - NOW EXACTLY WHO IS GIVING THE CITY A BAD NAME?
Visitors robbed in visit to Walton prisonA VISITOR to Walton jail had her car stolen after someone took her keys from a secure locker.more
It should have been Rhys Jones' first day at schoolTWO months ago Rhys Jones was kicking a football around Broad Square primary school playground.more
‘Dog was on top of Ellie . . it wouldn’t let her go’A WOMAN allowed a powerful and dangerous dog into her house where it mauled her five-year-old grand-daughter to death.more
Man cleared of murdering teenager Liam SmithA MAN has been acquitted of murdering Liverpool teenager Liam Smith.more
Please find my Ryan’s killerTHE mother of a Liverpool man gunned down in the street today made a heartfelt plea to catch his killer.more
Jane Tomlinson’s marathon fight for life finally endsCHARITY crusader Jane Tomlinson has lost her long battle against cancer, it was announced today.more
City had a birthday to rememberLIVERPOOL celebrated its 800th birthday in style with hundreds of street parties across the city.more (THIS IS THE ECHO TRYING TO SELL THEIR PICTURES OF THE PARTIES....EDS)
Police evict man from ‘crack den’EVICTEDmore
So - obviously nothing positive happening in Liverpool again, today?
Saturday, September 01, 2007
LEE BREAKS HIS SILENCE, THE FIREMAN PLANS TO QUIT, THE HARBARROWBOY TAKES A SIESTA AND COVER UP KEEPS ON TAKING THE MONEY....
- We await Cover Up's whitewash report.
- Labour's Joe Anderson will get the chance to stick the knife in again at Wednesday's special Council meeting. Ring side seats are available now to watch the Lib Dems try to keep the lid on the simmering rows and rivalries amongst them and justify the Fireman and Cover Up's woefully inadequate council investigation into 'why no-one was at all to blame for the Mathew Street thingymajig, which was really only a slight error of judgement, honest folks and lets forget all about it and move on to another great firework display next year'. It promises to be another great birthday show.
- The Culture Company is going to be wound up before the end of the year when we will all be treated to another great show along the lines of 'what an excellent job we have all done' (Tony was right about that, too, eds)
- The Fireman is today strongly rumoured throughout the city to have decided to quit at the end of September, presumably post another humiliating by-election defeat, but having administered the coup de grace to Bonehead's Blockheads.
- Then the succession battle will start (that's another Storey, eds)
- Redmond may well accept the Echo's poisoned Culture chalice and ride (or slouch) to the rescue and thereby lugubriously position himself for a subsequent shot at being Liverpool's first ever elected Mayor. (Not if Joe comes home in May, he won't, eds)
- The Harbarrowboy will go off for a well-deserved siesta, manana. Strong and persistent rumours have it that Jase and his family have applied some time ago for dual nationality and that the family have already de-camped to Spain to enjoy his burgeoning property portfolio. (Bloody hell, 2008 is obviously going to be so bad this fucker is leaving the country! eds)
- And Cover Up will award himself another Performance Related Pay rise.