Thursday, October 11, 2007


THE crisis-hit Culture Company has been rocked today by a new departure - the resignation on the dotted line of Operations Director Chris 'do I look that?' Green.

Speculation is mounting that 'do I look that?' Green reluctantly decided to take the rap after Colin 'Cover Up' marked his card over the about-to-be-published Mathew Street inquiry.

Insiders believe 'do I look that?' opted to fall on his sword, rather than be publicly knifed for incompetence in the report, which has been closely supervised by 'Cover Up' and the Harbarrowboy.

He decided to walk the plank just days after the announcement that the North West Development Agency had suddenly seconded Bernice Law to be in charge of 'operational delivery' at the Culture Company.

This was a huge vote of 'no confidence' and the proverbial kick in the face with a Size 12 steel toe-capped Doctor Marten, for 'do I look that' Green, who had been (theoretically) in charge of operations.

Of course the decision to go of 'do I look that?' , makes Event chief' Lee Forde's claim against the city council for constructive dismissal, even stronger than before (oh good! eds)

Forde regularly reported his fears about Mathew Street directly to his line manager - one Chris 'do I look that?' Green.

It's unlikely that 'do I look that?' failed to pass these on to the Harbarrowboy, who would have then passed them on to 'Cover Up'.

But both senior managers (on half a million quid between them, eds) have been adept enough to avoid having to make the ultimate sacrifice themselves.

And they now appear to have found an ideal substitute for the axe. (See also Has Jase done a runner already? )
'Do I look that?' was, predictably, one of the last appointments of the evil dictator, Sir Diddy David Henshaw, who shoved him into the Culture Co in the dying days of his crumbling regime. (AHA!, eds)

'Do I Look that' was also given the job in charge of Corporate Sponsorship on the glowing recommendation of the Harbarrowboy, with whom he had worked previously. (There's nothing quite like the old pals act for arranging well-paid jobs at public expense, is there? eds)

As power went to the impressionable head of Jase and he got ideas above his station - and well above his mediocre abilities - he ensured the pliable and grateful ''do I look that" Green was always trailing firmly behind on his coat-tails.

After being promoted and put in charge of Operations by Jase, it was clear to everyone that "Do I look that?" Green was well out of his depth as the pressure mounted and the Culture Company was rocked by a series of cock-ups.

"He looked like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights", said one Culture Co insider. "He was Jase's 'yes' man. He would always do whatever Jason wanted."

It looks now as though he has made the ultimate sacrifice for the Harbarrowboy - but with a hefty pay-off.

PS It is now clear that Liverpool's Capital of Culture year is being run from Warrington and the headquarters of the North West Development Agency.
Their Chairman, Bryan Gray has been quietly installed as Chair of the Culture Company Board with his hands tightly on the money.
He has brought in Ms Law to watch his back and make sure 2008 doesn't end in complete disaster.
Never one to seek the limelight, Gray has willingly given responsibility for all public statements and spin to Phil 'I'm the city's saviour' Redmond.
Fireman Bradley is an increasing irrelevance.


Anonymous said...

Well done for getting to the real story behind the fluff and spin once again Tony

Spiderman said...

Fantastic news from Spain, Tonys! Perhaps you should open a sub-office over there? This is the funniest thing I have read in ages - Prof Chucklebutty, notwithstanding. Hats off to all concerned. You have obviously rattled them big time. Wonder what the figures for Liverpool Direct are??????!!!!!!!!!keep going, boys.

a journalist said...

You should know that the Joe Riley posts have caused severe ructions throughout the media world, at JMU and the Culture Company. The NUJ Chapel at the Echo are on the warpath over Mr Newman, in particular. I don't expect anyone has had the good grace to contact you to say thank you and well done. So I will - thank you and well done. Glad to see your heart is still beating strongly and you are still standing up for good things. Best wishes matie

Miguel on Costa del Crimeo said...

buenos noches, el Toneeeeees! Usted are veerrry mistakeno on the blogo. Eeeeeeeeeet was not Jasono on the computerio, eeeet was me, Miguelo, a veeeryyy big Beeatlesy fan living in loverly Torrelominos who was on your fabulosi subcultureo site. Love me do, i wanna hold your handeo, can't buy me ze love, sgt pepperoni, etc, etc. So full apologio expectedo, por favor. PS Jase sends muchos gracias to peeeples of Livurpool for zee many pesetas..

Livid said...

Amazing story in the Echo tonight about Redmond saving the day with the sea shanty festival. The Culture Company Board of which he was a member, axed funding for sea shanties a year ago, now Redmond is plastered all over the Echo having saved the day! Astonishing hypocrisy! Worse than that, Redmond has the fucking cheek to refuse to reveal how much is being spent to save the sea shanties! Tens of thousands, the Echo understands. It's public money - not Redmond's own bank account. We have a right to know how much of our money this twat is spending. But no-one is challenging the bugger. It's simply amazing. And that stupid bitch, Clare McCogloose is also pictured smiling away like a stupid bint - when she was one of those who agreed that the festival should be axed last year. It is literally breathtaking! They are treating us with utter contempt now. Thank God for Rexie - amazingly, the only voice of dissent in the whole worthless rag.

Grateful Citizen said...

Oh I do love this blog - Thank you Tonies

Tori Blare said...

Then STOP buying the Echo if it's full of lies and shite!

InCider said...

Looks like hey are having a clearence sale !! any one want some expensive usless twats?
Now Newman has blown it and Good old Jase has let his mate take the rap when does Donalson come out of the Closet with a major Cock up (ooeer missus !!) Perhaps McCartney at anfield will bring him down?
As for Mc Cogloose the opening event is a right load of bollocks that will expose her and Fiona Gusset.
As for Phil Redomond he is scraping the barrel with Sea Shanties, is that mathew street with water?

Labour voter said...

I hesitate to say this, but can someone please tell Tori to stop ranting on and telling people to vote Labour in every bloody comment. I think we have all got the message by now - and she is liable to alienate people with her rants, not attract them.

the electorate said...

"Fireman Bradley is an increasing irrelevance"

Surely not!

Tori Blare said...

to Labour voter, first off who said I am a SHE, I am sexless, second I was ranting, if you could call it that, about buying the echo, I also tell people to vote Raving looney party and independents, so get ones facts right please.
I will continue to state or rant about anything I so please, the basis of my rants is to get the Lib Dems out of power, which labour voter would know if they read the comments correctly. As Tony the first states in his blogs, It's called freedom of speech stupid.

Prof. Yaffle Chucklebutty said...

By Jove Missus, Have I got you a scoop? Here it is, found on the back seat of the only surviving Trolley bus in Liverpool and sent to me direct from the Municipal Building pigeon shelter lost and floundering dept.

The comments by the legal expert Sir Stanley Unwin QC prior to the publication of the Matthew Street enquiry. At last, a clear explanation!


Enquiry into Cancellation of The Meryl Streep Festivule.

As legalode visoree for Lilliput Silly Console, The Chief Excrutiate, Mr Colollop Hiltio and The Loader of the Silly Console, cllr Worried Badly, have asp me to examine the findings of the repole composted by the indefensible enquirymode into the lasp minute cancellation of the Mirthview Streep festavole. Pre- publo.

In advance of the floo repole being deleted for public constipation and due to the risk that it may, on publo release, cause further laughtermost in the national printopress, I have been asked to cast a boadley eyeball and summarise the phonal repole from a legal perpload.

Since the awarb of Callipole of Custard for throb trouser and eight, the Custard Company farciclaps has caused tabload news coverage to now return to the old stereoscousey of all calmy-down,calmy-down, gis a jobello and all knocky off with the holdey out the cappy hand. The repole documes a tatley missmanagemode around crapalot of custard 2008. It is of great conserve that the general picture of daily debaclo has manifolding in the city and that beclose of this, the image of Loolapole may have been set back a decode. Deep, deep folly.

The Matthew Strobe festeral began life as a celebro of the fib four moppy tops. John Lemmole, Pole Mc Slidey, (favourmost by Bradlow) George Witherspoon and Rumpo Stark. inertialy known as “The Butties Festeral”. It used to provide much cheery on the city streebs every year with no treebhole, oh no, apart from the odd sickload in the handlebag of a fold age pensioner at the bus stop. Usually by an inebrioled man all dressy up the walrus. Deep joy many years! In fact the Matthew Strobe festeral as it became later known, was so purpello that people flockermost from all round the world, include far flung examploads such as, Japone, United Stairs of Jamiraqui, Jockland, Germinate and Frince to name but throde.

Come the award of Cap-in-hand Culture 2008 much rushy
board the gravy boat for the ferry cross the Mersey ( a sling made flabemost by Jolly Marsdone) All shout with cocknole accsperent, “Gis a job.” But not the job to give the scouseyload, oh no! All the big cashy jobs given to people who never once set a footy print in Lollopool. Not even paddle by the beachpoo at New Brightlight. Even the persil spellification stateyclear that being a muddle clapp southerner was an essential crimeria fool getting the job.

Liverpole culture was overnight transfumed to the jellied eels perspective with pearly cones all along the roads as the big diggerup of all the frogs and toads caused a great deal unendo congestomole and total kiosks. It was the big drig after hole that many peoplo held resprollable for the near closey sale of Lowersole’s and a lisp of promits for Raphole Hardwood.

Jasper Hottlebottle, Expletive Director of the Culture Clammity, so the report states, said with all trumpety fanfare and spittle canope as he speakload. “The Matthew Streep Farcical would better be handed over to the offal sirs of the Incompetent Company. We’ll ruin it from now on”

So they handy the festival over with all hastily speed to the cashbuckets of the clammity companole, blissfullow unaware that all poury down the drain and pissly up the wole. After much swiggy chardonnale and trampermole round and round the daily banquoles for extinguished gusts, severmole floke suddenly rollexed that the only plans drown up to actually organise the event were all scribbly down on a misplomed fag packet. Deep folly and much wailey cry eye when they rollexed the faggy packet had been accidentally crumple up and throwed down a big hole in the road somewol near Whitechapphole. Thip explones why Rex Makeloads, the cities flamour solitersole, is constantly writhing in his workly column about fallolloping down a big hole outside his offices. The repole states.

As the clockety tock by, Mr Fordly Capri with wringy hands and a sweatload on the highbrow make constantly phone and sendy the electromic mails to Collolop Covermost and Jasno Hollowbottle, but all say as wimb that they never set an eyeball and heard not a liverbird. Many suspode that they jisp ignolled him. Consequally all holes break loose when Wally Bradlow, the Loader, sitting all comfy with a bare leg and flip follopers enjoying a short holiday, nearly fallolloped out of the decky chair when he read the Echlo splashy news headlice.

“Meryl Streep Festivole Candelled! Fiascole!”

All red face and quite the twisty mouth with a shakey fist Bradlow was all shoully down the Drummond Phone. “Bring me the head of Alfredo Garrowbarrow” he screechy with a high pitch girly scroam. “I demean an explanation immediately..first thing in the moaning…or next week the earlymost!” he cried to Colllolop Highnoon.

The worms fearst was confirmymost. With no Hole and Softy plan in place and vasp crowds to risk fallollop into the diggerholes or snag of cardy on the fencil posts, The companole of consolants, Cashitter recommend cancellation on the basin that all the visitors and tworisps to the festervole could tripple up all arm over tithebarn, and fall down the hollies. It was da scissorsisters waiting to happen.

Oh Frock! They all criedly-eyed. Who can we blame this on? So the Festibule was cally off at the last minuet a total Boccherrini. Liverspole makes national news and even Jeremole Paxo smirky face with a perm and tashy lip talk pretended to interview Terry and Barry and said “ On Newsnole Tonole Calm-down, calm-down….as Livepule’s Internaspernole musole fistula is called alf” and newspapers around the world translate “Cultureload My Arse!” in every linguode.

The whole country unites as all but one and laughy out loud til dampy in the eyeline and trickle spot the trouserleg too. But most steamy gusset and dampole the leg were in Birminghole and Newcapple, They laughed til they cried! But then they cried again without the laughyeyes for themselves and what they could have done with the awarb. What a watered opporternity.

Woollen Bradlow cancelled all the reception dinners for that day and gather the custard complainy at The Little Big Horn pub.(Custards Last Spam) Bradlow was spitter with roage to suggest Jasno Holloborrow must be related to Catherine the Great as equally infamoule for habling one big cock-up after another. There were gusps and chockles in epral propulsion but Mrs Bradlow was very creebs with Woolen and later make him wash all the mouth out with sarp and womer after she plume him home by the earlobe. Deep folly!

On Argos Bank Hapliday weekend, as confused tourists gatheried up all puzzle faced at what they thrim was some kind of Yoke, oh no, they stared in thris beloaf and goggle ode at a lone hairy tramp vest, who strummed a play on a cardboard guitar in queens squall. (Tribload act, bless him)

So this enqueeryprobe proverbs a pubload report in the hope that any ratsqueeks to jump or ship themselves overbole so they can carol the can, will leave not only the assembled remoaning thick skins of the custard company, but the loader and anyone else whose trouser pounds matter, totally exfoliated.

Appendix 1 Lessoles lermed
Report conclumes by hailing the savoury of the Culture Crapalo with the frappointment of Anthea Redmond, not only the creeper of TVs Grungehole, Brookesode and Hairy Blokes, but one time give us a twirl wife of the Bruise Foreskin. “Knives to see him to see him knives” (Recommole biographicole details are cheemed prior to publo. ed)

Finaloe the repole stains that we should now clone this unfornicate chapto and points out the exciting programme of attractions for 2008…er Ringo…

Vote Ludicrous Dimmertwat in May!


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