THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE THOUSAND AND SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-THREE POUNDS - THE BILL FOR MAKING LIVERPOOL'S IMAGE WORSE!

CITY COUNCIL taxpayers have forked out an absolutely gob-smacking £323,078.00 to a London PR agency for Capital of Culture.

The agency, FD-LLM, was hired in July 2005, and has pocketed about £12,000 every single month since.

The PR agency, originally called Lawson Lucas Mendelsohn, was founded in 1997 but was taken over in 2005 by a city giant.

The Liverpool Account Director, Ben Lucas is pictured right.

The Culture Company's "acting" chief executive, Kris Donaldson (aka Donald Bullshitter, left) reveals in an official statement that FD - LLM have done three things in the last two years.

(By the way, FD-LLM are now known in the city council as 'Fuck Donaldson - Lots of Liverpool Money', eds)

They have helped provide something called 'Senior level strategic engagement' between the Harbarrowboy and key politicians, such as Government ministers.

This means LLM have phoned up one or two mates in the Government and asked them to give Jase five minutes of their time.

(Perhaps Jase also tried to sell them a holiday home or some ice cream, while he was at it? eds)

Of course, if Jase had any relationship at all with Liverpool MP's, he would have been able to arrange such meetings for nowt.

Donald Bullshitter claims FD-LLM have raised Liverpool's profile as Capital of Culture - not very successfully, since the Government have repeatedley refused Bradley's pleas for even more money to plug the city council's £23million black hole.

So not money well spent, then.

The second thing FD-LLM have done is get 51 MP's and Peers together in all party group and provided typing and admin for them. (That's a seriously difficult task, eds)

The city council could have asked one of their secretaries to organise this, but decided to give £12 grand a month to FD-LLM so they could do it instead. (Fair enough, its only public money, eds)

The third thing FD-LLM have done is stage events and exhibitions at the party conferences. (Basically they have been organising glorified piss-ups, eds).

Donaldson says they have also 'advised on' and 'facilitated' visits to Liverpool by ministers. (They have booked train tickets, swamped Ministers with glossy brochures and made sure someone from the Culture Company turned up at Lime Street to say hello and carry their bags for them while they are in the city, eds)

FD-LLM have also assisted with a submission to the Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee on the Cultural Olympiad. (This has very little to do with Liverpool, but the Culture Company paid FD-LLM anyway, eds. What the hell - it's only public money!)

The net result of all FD-LLM's stupendously imaginative, dynamic and creative efforts (not, eds) has been, of course, that Liverpool now enjoys

a worse reputation in Westminster and worse media coverage, than they did before!

So, FD-LLM have been a total waste of £323,753.00.

What is significant about this public scandal is that it explains exactly how the Culture Company has wasted all its money - and more - and why the city council is now £23million in the red.

The Harbarrowboy and his successor, Donald Bullshitter, could not run a piss-up in a brewery.

They have had no control over the money and have been spending it like it was going out of fashion.

So when someone asks you "where has all the money gone?" - now you know.