POSTCARD TO THE CULTURE COMPANY FROM THE HARBARROWBOY

Dear all,

I couldn't get any answer from Liverpool Direct, so I decided to send you a postcard instead. Probably a lot quicker.

I am having a lovely time here on the Costa Del Tanningmybacksideoff, sipping Pina Coladas.

I gather from that skinny fella who is our Communications Director - I've forgotten his name - that the Daily Post would like to interview me this week about the forthcoming 'Not the Mathew Street Festival.'

Can you just tell them that I have nipped out of the office for a quick sandwich and will be back soon?

Please don't let them find out that i have gone off on my jollies, just as everything is going pear-shaped.

If the Post are really desperate for some answers, can you get two of the girls to get off their arses and give the Post an exclusive interview about the programme for next year.

They don't need to say anything new - just the usual vague and empty promises will do.

Something along the lines of "world-beating....stunning events....Jase working his socks off...worth every penny, etc, etc." The usual bollocks.

We could even mention Pete Postlethwaite again, if we are really desperate.

Also can we slip in somewhere that the announcement about the 2008 programme will be in November, rather than next month as we originally promised?

No-one will notice and it will give me a bit more time to try and get Maccas phone number from someone who met him when he last came to Lipa.

By the way, has anyone seen the forgetful fireman recently? I hear he wants to be known as Hawkeye from now on because he will be keeping a beady watch on us all.

He may be watching us like a hawk, but he is still parrotting the same platitudes.

Perhaps he should be called The Parrott instead?

Have internal audit finished going through all my emails yet as part of their so-called "investigation"?

I wonder if they will find the emails I sent to Warren about the problems with Mathew Street? He now appears to have conveniently forgotten them - perhaps he doesn't look at his emails anymore after what happened to Storey-teller?

Anyway, I'm sure 'Cover Up' will make sure Bradley sees only what he wants him to see.

I hope all the fuss has finally died down now about that little Beatles event that we cancelled? It was crap anyway.

I imagine the Echo will have gone back to its daily diet of crime and second rate celebrities - I'm sure we could suggest a few names who could help them out on that if they need any more?

Anyway, time to go - I've got to have a look at some new property.

See you for the birthday party - Storey will be back from his jollies then too!

lots of love,

Jase xxx

- Pass the sun oil can you, darling?