Monday, May 12, 2008

LIB DEM LEADERSHIP RESULT: "Infamy, infamy - they've all got it in for me!" Ooooooooh, what a Carry On!

So here's the result:
Bungling Fireman - 26 votes
Hypocrite Kemp - 13 votes
Paul Clein - 7 votes
Almost half the Lib Dem group of 46 councillors refused to vote for the bloke who has been their Leader for the last two miserable years.
Hardly a vote of confidence in Bradley's Carry On leadership then.
(Maybe it will end up being one of them there Pilchard victories? ed)
No wonder Labour were rubbing their hands with glee at the apparent blind stupidity (you promised never ever to use that phrase ever, ever again, so help you God, eds) of the Lib Dim group.
As sure as eggs is eggs, Bradley is for the high jump from the Standards Board when it finally gets its act together and starts moving a bit quicker than a snail in quick-setting concrete.
What a Carry On this will all be in Capital of Culture year.
Bradley is banking, however, on the opening of Liverpool One and the McCartney concert bringing him some much needed summer joy and respite.
We suspect that Grovenor will be moving heaven and earth to keep a distance from the discredited regime.
And Macca will continue to marginalise the city council and Culture Company from any involvement at Anfield (won by Labour on May 1st, eds).
This won't stop gullible journalists from the craven Echo and CityTalks-but-no-one-listens giving Bradley the opportunity to stand in front of something stupid and say: "What a fantastic day this is for Liverpool! Ten years ago we were...etc, etc."
More discerning scribes - such as those now working on a Radio 4 investigation into the missing milions and especially the role played by the Rottweiller's Liverpool Direct Limited, Chas Cole and the smiling assassin - may take a slightly more rigorous perpective.
We live in hope.
But then there is the trial of Counclllor Hurst in late July, which should also be worth a seat in the public gallery.
And so on and so forth.
Meanwhile the old nag Clucas, who refused at the last minute in the paddock, has reserved the right to stand in any future Lib Dem leadership contest.
(She's a wily old filly, isn't she? eds)
And the Leader-in-waiting, the Arch Hypocrite Kemp will be busily working behind the scenes in the next few months to try and win friends and influence people and shore up more support amongst the Lib Dims.
By which stage Uncle Joe should have his hands on the Boot Estate report.
Meanwhile God knows what Paul Clein will do - he's capable of anything.
And a substantial rump of Lib Dims, led by the ga-ga Sir Trevor will be wringing their hands in despair as the Fireman tries to bluff his way out of the Standards Board.
  • Bradley's first test will come this week when he announces his new Cabinet and reveals whether he has kept a place for the Storeyteller.He was promising anyone who would listen in the last week that he would be sacking the Storeyteller. We shall see.
No wonder Labour were grinning like cats that got the cream after tonight's result.

What a Carry On!


nil desperandum said...

Proof that Storey, and only Storey rules in the Lib Dems.

The result is a humiliation for Clein. He scored his family (4 votes) and three others. He could jump ship now, not to Labour though, but to the 'real' Libs.

As for Kemp, just how much sh*t can that man take - from his own side too - before he shaves off his Mr Pasty moustache and, oops, 'accidentally' cuts his own throat?

Professor Y. Chucklebutty said...

By Jove missus, what a night! I have just returned from the showbiz event of the year!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, The DAFTAS. The Glibbering Dum Academy members have been voting this evening to determine the most worthy performers and outstanding contributions from the dream factory that is WALLYWOOD.
(Surely this is a dream?) Yes it was make your mind up time to decide who will be the leading light on Bradway.

It began with the curtain rising to reveal the Grotty Cash Asbo Ensemble Choir (again) all dressed in sequinned shell-suits belting out in close disharmony that rousing classic “Hooray for Wallywood” as they began to remove items of silver from the display cabinets, before legging it down Castle Street. (The full lyrics of the opening number and police descriptions are printed below.)

Now I won’t spoil it yet by telling you the main winner tonight but as usual it is steeped in controversy. But if I mention the leader of the Rat-pack….?

First Ladies and Gentlemen, there were many other important categories up for awards.

Best supporting hand up the “leaders” backside went to Dicky Mint the Storeyteller.

Spanish Director, Jose Holabarro took the coveted Greasy Orange Palm award.

Harassing Forde won the Peroni Award for Fiction & Fantasy for “Readers of the Lost Remarks” and the “Meryl Streep Festival Enquiry” which also won worst scriptwriter.

Astonishingly, “One Flew out of the Clucas Nest” was not up for any awards. However, the star, who began her career as a Ken Dodd stunt double, is said to be taking it on the chin. She gave this statement to reporter Alistair McCraven.

“I am glad to be out of it this time round, the McCartneyist witch-hunts are about to start all over again and at least two of our leading stars are soon to appear before them. It really can end your career. Let me say now, I am not and have never been a member of the Custard Company. Once this is all over, they will need an old pro’ to take the lead role in the next no budget bankbuster”

You may be aware that Cinerama is back! And the massive wide screen was just in the nick of time to announce the winner in the best newcomer and Turncoat Prize category, who also was given a Lunchtime Achievement award.

Yes Narnia Stewpid took the ‘Jaws Award’ for her many memorable rolls and epics like;
‘Loves Labours Lost’
‘Goodbye where’s me Chips’
‘Guess who’s coming to dinner….? Me’.
‘Mutiny for a Bounty’,
‘Passage to Indian’
‘Four Wedding Cakes and Tuna roll’,
‘The Greatest Sorbet Ever Sold’,
‘Back to the Foodstore II’,
‘You only Lunch Twice’,
‘It’s a Wonderful Loaf’,
Biblical Epic ‘The Tinned Corn and Mince’
Lloyd Webber Musical ‘Cheeses, Crust Soup to Start’
And crime Thriller “ The Long Good Fried Egg”

I am sure readers could name many more of here legendary works.
(But the Tony’s will get cross again so don’t! Except maybe for my old favourite, Apackocrisps Now!)

So, ladies and gentlemen, on to the main winner of the night.

Now you may have heard it announced that popular Gaudy double act, Rant and Dick (also known from their earlier career with a few flop chart hits as PC and Drinkin’) won the main vote in the people’s choice award but it turned out that just because ex Custard Creamer, Robyn Millions, wanted to fly in from Australia to present them with an award, the panel of judges had fixed the result.
Of course Rant and Dick who knew nothing of this, have been a major farce in light entertainment with hits such as “He’s a Calamity Get Me Out of Here” and many expected them to take the clown, I mean crown. But on the night, the real people’s choice and continuing leader of the Crap-Pack was in none other than Wally Brando for his performance as Catherine of Arrogant at the Tate.

The re-crowned Rat-Pack leader squeaking live from Las Vague Arse was clearly overwhelmed at the number of his peers that voted against him.
“So what’s it like to still be leader will it be back to base tricks?” the reporters asked.

“Who dear, me dear, lead role in the Titanic? How very dare you! Just because I have a hand up my jacksy making my lips move, doesn’t mean I can’t still talk through it”

Then Storeyteller his co-star chipped in, “ Come to see me have ya? Come up to see your old Mike? What a f*****g liberal..”

So against all predictions, except for those that predicted a win for Wally, there you have it, Victory for the lad himself. Stone me! Fantastic result. We are home and dry!
Unlike one of the contenders I expect.

And now as promised here is the singalong sheet. Tonight’s opening number from the ASBO choir, who will be live at the Anfield concert, where Macca himself will perform the anthem tribute.

Hooray for Wallywood!

Hooray for Wallywood

That screwy, ballyhooey Wallywood!
Where any fireman
Or storeyteller

can lead while Yellar

With just a dumb-looking grin

And any Stewart
Can really screw-it

If she sees a bag with some doughnuts in.

Hooray for Wallywood!

Where it’s horrific

that they’re all no good!

Where anyone at all like Jasper Harbarrow

or Fatty Marbrow
is equally no damn good

Come on and try your luck
Nobody gives a F**k

Hooray for Wallywood!

Hooray for Wallywood!

That Tony, showed they’re phoney, Wallywood

They gave us Harbarrow and

Robbing Archer, on whose departure,

filled their bags up with cash

08 culture, a circling vulture

cock it up and then make a dash

Hooray for Wallywood!

You may be pissed off in your

Still, if you wonder why the city’s strapless

Just point to Hapless

He’d make a monkey look good!

We’re near the hour
When we dump this shower

Time’s up for Wallywood!


By the way, Mr Clein only got a small number of votes. Probably cos it’s German for Diddy, Have I mentioned that? Diddy win? Diddy heck and he De-Cleined to comment.

Tatty bye Everybody, Tatty bye!

Tori Blare said...

Anyone know who Nadia voted for?
The Pies have it.

Anonymous said...

Nadia probably put her cross on a bun

Anonymous said...

What kind of S*** Creek are we in I ask ??
All YOU guys who who contributing to these BLOGGS ....know the score..... Commenting on the score..........Who did what.....Who F***** who..........Who ....whatever...... How do we CHANGED things.....? All the SENIOR DIRECTORS on WONDERFUL SALARIES are not going to own up to anytrhing.....Cover up ect ect........ HOW DO WE CHANGE THINGS I ASK ?? They have just voted (WAS THERE A VOTE?) TO YET.... AGAIN ANOTHER CUT THE SERVICES FOR THE ELDERLY

Tony Hunetr (Ex Dir Socail Services) .......What a laugh!!! On £150000 a I said (What a laugh) who cares for his Mum ? its not a problem on his salary...... BUT THERE ARE MUMS OF CARING LIVERPOOL SCOUCERS....AT HIS DISREATION....GOD HELP US !!

LETS SACK THEM ALL..... JOE ANDERSON............. ARE YOU UP FOR IT ??? ITS WON'T BE LONG............ yes 2 years is not too long,,,,,,


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