Liverpool subCulture: WIRRAL EXCLUSIVE: PROF CHUCKLEBUTTY GIVES HIS VERDICT ON ADOBE ACROBATS, THE CUSTARD COMPANY AND RUDE VAN WINKLE...

Letter from Colin CoverUp to city council employees following recent press reports

Dear colleague,

Contrary to recent misleading and totally erroneous reports concerning payoffs, incompetence, waste, negligence, corruption, cover-ups, stress and bullying within the council, I can confirm that Liverpool City Council is not committed to supporting all our staff or council tax payers.

To promote awareness and offer supportive solutions to this sensitive issue the council participated in the recent National Stress Awareness Day on 5 November 2008.

We also plan to play a full part in International Pay-Off Day, which will be held in Nassau, the Bahamas, in just a few weeks time.

Exciting plans are also underway for the Take the Piss out of Council Taxpayers and Waste all Their Money seminar, which will form a major part of next year’s Lib Dem Annual Conference.

I wish to reinforce the position of Liverpool City Council in that we have a zero tolerance approach to good governance.
Any form of bullying, incompetence, dodgy deals, kick-backs, inappropriate relationships with pop promoters, afternoons on the golf course, blackmail attempts, threats and incidents of senior officers feathering their own nests whilst in the workplace will not be fully addressed through jointly agreed policies and procedures.

Reports of bullying, pay-offs, blackmail, threats, corruption and the abuse of power and position for personal and financial advantage are in fact very low for an organisation of this size and each is thoroughly investigated by the Oldham Echo.

Similarly, stress related absence to sun-kissed haciendas, mansions in Formby, or country houses in Wales are at levels comparable with other core cities.

Our non-commitment to support staff has been further demonstrated by the implementation of a range of family-friendly policies and flexible working arrangements for senior officers - they can visit the golf course when they feel like it, but particularly on Friday afternoons; my Exec Management Team all have season tickets for shows at the Echo Arena, we have personal parking facilities for our luxury cars; we have personal showers for any doctors on the growing payroll; we harass, threaten and intimidate anyone who doesn’t roll over and accept the way we do things; we only follow the rules when it suits us; we laugh at the provision of professional counselling services; the introduction of a free confidential helpline available to all staff and their immediate family members is routinely derided – who would be stupid enough to ever use it?; the development of a jointly agreed Stress Policy which will never be put into practice; and the appropriate expensive training for managers at expensive conferences and the introduction of Open access clinics by the Occupational Health Service which has been personally negotiated by the good Dr McElhinney, to be launched on 18 December.

Colin Hilton

Chief executive

ARISE SIR PHIL! - A knighthood for Our Lord Redmond

MULTI millionaire bench-maker Phil Redmond is being touted for a knighthood in the New Year's Honours List.
Our Lord Redmond - and we shall continue to refer to him thus, both for his tonsorial 'style' and his more wondrous and miraculous abilities as 'saviour of Liverpool' - has found friends in high places.
Step forward Lord Derby, a fellow landowner and faithful friend of the common folk of our fair city. (That's a lot of effing, eds).
For it is the squire of Knowsley who has been quietly championing the cause of Our Lord, as the man who finally put Liverpool's culture on the European map.
(Albeit from the comfortable vantage point of his £20million mansion in Frodsham).
Yes it is Phil we have to thank for the massive pay-offs, the cock-ups, the damp squibs, the crap marketing and the rash of new diy benches that have suddenly sprouted up all over the city as the people of Picton and Liverpoool 8 have suddenly risen in joyful acclamation of Capital of Culture.
Lord Derby, who now 'works' for one of the many finance houses who have well and truly ****ed up the economy with the credit crunch, has been going around lobbying for Our Lord amongst the city's great and good.
He has been asking 'movers and shakers' to give their support to a Knightood for Our Lord.
Quite why Lord Derby, who some mischievously say is now on his uppers as a result of said credit crunch, would want to do multi-millionaire Phil a favour, is quite beyond us.
But what response has this secret campaign for support been getting?
Some have listened politely to the noble Lord's entreaties on behalf of the nascent 'Sir Phil'. Some have been less polite in their response. We put it no stronger. We leave it your imagination - you are perfectly capable of filling in the blanks.
Of course, Our Lord will be in illustrious company with other knighted 'people' like the evil Sir Diddy and other thieves and famous ne'er do wells, when he eventually bows his knee in front of Her Madge.
'Alright, Queen,' we can already hear Phil remarking, before entertaining her with his interminable 'Scouse wedding' metaphor, repeated for the 967th time.
Meanwhile Our Lord is also busying himself with the firework display at the Pier Head which will mark the end of a fantastic year of culture and which, it is confidently being forecast by the Oldham Echo, will be witnessed by a greater global audience than the inauguration of Barack Obama as President of the United States.
Can't wait...

LIB DEMS ON TRIAL (PART 2) - "You realised you had been rumbled...."

A SENIOR Liverpool councillor on trial for breaking election law yesterday claimed he “found” leaflets smearing a rival political family.
Cllr Steve Hurst, executive member for corporate performance, is accused of delivering offensive fliers during the 2007 local elections.
Pink leaflets – purporting to be published by The United Socialist Party (TUSP) – were pushed through doors in Liverpool’s Woodlands Estate.
Titled “Walton Scab”, they attacked Labour councillor Pauline Walton, who was not up for election, and her husband, Keith, a firefighter.
They claimed she was learning to lap dance and that he crossed the picket line during a firefighter strike.
Cllr Hurst admits he was in the area on May 2, 2007 – the day before polls opened – but claimed he was only delivering legitimate Liberal Democrat leaflets.
He is accused of breaching section 110 of the Representation of the People Act, which requires all election publicity material to detail the name and address of the printer and publisher.
He denies the charge, but if found guilty, faces a fine of up to £5,000.
In the second day of the trial, he told the court he picked up the supposed-TUSP leaflets while electioneering in Woodlands.
Cllr Hurst said: “Not far from where I had started, I found some discarded TUSP leaflets, about five or six. I read them, seen how derogatory it was. I had never seen anything like it in my life. Any opposition leaflets, we should take them back to the Lib-Dem HQ for information purposes. This is something all councillors do.”
He said he tucked them under his Lib-Dem leaflets and continued.
Later, Cllr Hurst came across Mr Walton and his two sons, Ben, 23, and Lee, 26.
He claimed Ben and Lee set upon him on Selside Walk, while their father took pictures on his camera phone.
Cllr Hurst added: “Lee Walton attempted to grab the leaflets out of my hand. There was no way he was going to get the leaflets from me – I was too strong, so he got me in a headlock and at all times he was trying to get the leaflets from my hands.
“My cap fell off and my sunglasses got kicked to the ground. We fell against the floor or the fence. I was kicked in the face.”
Cllr Hurst said the attack appeared at the time to be unprovoked.
Under cross examination, prosecutor Mike Gregory asked why Cllr Hurst did not put the TUSP leaflets in his backpack.
Cllr Hurst explained time was short and it would have been “awkward” to take off his bag.
Mr Gregory also challenged Cllr Hurst over his reaction when confronted by the Walton men.
Mr Gregory said it was “odd” Cllr Hurst did not simply hand the leaflets over to Mr Walton and explain the situation.
Mr Gregory said: “I suggest to you, that you said nothing about the leaflet at that stage because you had been delivering them.”
“That’s incorrect,” Cllr Hurst said.
“Was the baseball cap and glasses a disguise?” Mr Gregory continued.
“It was a hot, sunny day. That would be the advisable attire to wear in a hot sunny day.”
“You realised you had been rumbled and instead of engaging them in conversation you instead tried to grab the offending camera?”
“No.”
The case continues.

(courtesy Daily Post)

LIB DEMS ON TRIAL (PART 1) - ROTTEN TO THE CORE ....(courtesy of the Daily Post)

A LEADING Liberal Democrat councillor in Liverpool attempted to smear a rival by distributing a leaflet attacking her husband and suggesting she was a lap dancer, a court heard yesterday.
Cllr Steve Hurst, a firefighter, who is accused of breaking election law, was allegedly wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap while said to be distributing the leaflets.
The day before the local elections in May 2007, leaflets were posted through letterboxes on the Woodlands estate, in the Belle Vale ward.
The pink leaflets titled “Walton Scab” attacked Labour councillor Pauline Walton, who was not up for election, and her husband, Keith, who is also a firefighter.
The leaflet claimed Mr Walton had “scabbed” during the firefighters’ strike, and that he was unpopular at his private golf club (Lee Park, where Cllr Hurst is also a member).
It also stated: “Your Labour councillor leaves meetings early to go to lap dancing (or line dancing – I’m not sure which) classes.
“Don’t vote for scabs, vote for a real socialist party, vote TUSP [The United Socialist Party].”
Cllr Hurst, executive member for corporate performance and ward councillor for Wavertree, is accused of breaching section 110 of the Representation of the People Act on May 2 – the day before the local elections last year.
The section requires election publicity material to include an imprint detailing the name and address of the printer and publisher of the material.
He denies the charge, but if found guilty, faces a fine of up to £5,000.
Liverpool Magistrates’ Court heard how Mr Walton had been at home in Egremont Lawn, Belle Vale, on May 2, last year when he received a call from a resident in nearby Ridsdale Lawn, saying she had received an “offensive” pink leaflet.
Mr Walton said after collecting the leaflet from Edith Turner’s home, he decided to confront TUSP’s election agent, Jim Wilson, who also lived on the estate.
Mr Wilson denied being involved and told Mr Walton he would report it to the police.
Karen Davies, of nearby Appleby Lawn, called round at the Walton household soon after and said she too had had the pink “TUSP” leaflet, the court was told.
Mr Walton said soon after he left with his son Ben, 23, to look for the person posting the leaflets, and were joined by older son Lee Walton, 26, who was just arriving home from work.
Mike Gregory, for the prosecution, said they found Cllr Hurst in Selside Walk where Mr Walton took a photo of him on his mobile phone.
“He had in his hands yellow leaflets folded over, and as he got close to the door, he was taking out pink leaflets from the middle and posting them through the letterbox,” said Ben Walton.
The Waltons claim that after they were spotted by Cllr Hurst, he “lunged towards” Keith Walton and tried to grab the camera phone.
Lee Walton said: “My dad shouted out ‘I’ve got you now Hursty.”
Lee Walton said he got Cllr Hurst in a headlock to protect his father, while Ben Walton grabbed Cllr Hurst’s hands down by his waist, the court heard.
After a brief scuffle Cllr Hurst wriggled free of the pair and ran off down the road.
The court heard his baseball cap, a sunglass lens, and some leaflets – a number of yellow Lib-Dem fliers and some pink TUSP leaflets – were left at the scene.
“Mr Hurst scuttled off and shouted some abuse to my dad calling him a scab b------d,” Lee Walton told the court.
He denied the only reason he grabbed hold of Cllr Hurst was to get the leaflets from him.
When defence barrister Janet Reaney put to him that there were pink Lib-Dem leaflets among those that fell on the ground, he said he did not know.
Ms Davies told the court she had seen a man wearing a baseball cap and between 5ft 6ins and 5ft 9ins tall walk down her path and deliver a leaflet to her door – a pink TUSP leaflet.
Linda Murray, of Selside Walk, also told the court how she had seen a man in a baseball cap deliver a pink leaflet with a “personal attack” on Pauline Walton and her husband.
She said she noticed him because “he had a baseball cap and I thought it was one of the smackheads”.
She said she left her house to confront the man, but then saw the Waltons “legging” it past and heard a commotion round the corner.
In the following day’s election, Labour’s Janet Kent won the Belle Vale seat with 1,639 votes, beating the sitting Lib-Dem councillor Ian Phillips by just 134 votes.
The case in front of District Judge Richard Clancy was being watched by an observer from the local government ethics watchdog the Standards Board for England.
The case continues

NEW SERIES: Our Lord Redmond writes exclusively for Liverpool SubCulture

TALENT. You've either got it (like me, obviously) or you haven't.
Culture Secretary Andy Burnham is a young lad with talent too. He's just made me boss of the Museums in Liverpool.
So stuff you Loyd Grossman, a here-today, gone-tomorrow pasta sauce maker.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
That David Fleming has been as nice as pie with me ever since I got the job.
And his wife Alison, who Sir Diddy once hired as his own personal spin doctor. Or Nurse. As the case may be.
But a lovely lady - and very well connected at the Beeb.
Do you know - she put her own name forward for that job! Some front, eh?
Talent will always out.
That's what I thought when I first came up with the great idea of having a giant talent contest at the Echo Arena.
I was watching the X Factor at my place in the country when the light suddenly went off in my head.
I know, I thought, watching Simon Cowell grinnining away like a maniac, I could pinch his idea lock, stock and barrel and I bet those gullible Scousers will fall for it.
And how right I was.
Don't you see?
Get a few thousand deluded, deranged or desperate people to turn up at the Arena, patronise them like crazy for the day, pick someone half decent, give them a grand of council taxpayers money as a prize and a walk-on part in Hollyoaks and...(Sir) Bob (Scott's')s your uncle!
The winner is all smiles, thinks they are about to do a Will Young world tour (whatever happened to him by the way?) and owes eternal gratitude to yours truly.
I smile modestly and give lots of TV and radio interviews to gullible, uncritical journalists while carefully preening my hair and affecting a thick Scouse accent and a chirpy bloke-next-door-demeanour.
And the losers?
Well they've all had a nice day out at the Dock haven't they? What's the problem?
And what's more, its all about community engagement!
With 2,000 people queuing up outside the Arena on a wild goose chase, no-one on the blogosphere or anywhere else, can possibly claim there has been no community engagement in 08.
It's a win-win for yours truly!
Told you I had talent.
Yet another success in my special year to add to all my other successes - Ringo, and Paul, and my museum jobbie, and the craven Echo's unquestioning support, and my song for Liverpool, and my superlambananas, and my do-it-yourself bench contest.
What more could people want? Bread and circuses?
Culture has provided true engagement.
It has been truly life changing.
Thanks to me.
This is what I mean when I say that Liverpool will stage the best ever Capital of Culture.
No one gives a toss about the other Capitals of Culture anyway.
Where was it last year?
Where is the next one going to be? In 2009?
No-one has got the foggiest.
So they can't be that difficult for us to beat can they?
Despite the council's best efforts at cocking it all up.
But with the talent we have here on the banks of the Mersey, talented people like me can really put Liverpool on the global map for the first time ever in our great history.
My close mate Mike McCartney was right when he said there was more talent in the Liver Bird's little toe than in any other city in the world.
Obviously true.
More talent than New York.
Or Los Angeles.
Or Brasilia.
Or Berlin.
And more talent than Bejing, next week.
Obviously.
And Mike and my good showbiz, celebrity friends Les Dennis and Clare Sweeney will do a great job in judging that talent, giving it a chance and taking the city forward to a brighter future.
Where everyone can aspire to being a Sinatra impersonator.
To do that, takes real talent.

Well done - you're sacked!!!!!

29/2/2008

Message from Cllr Warren Bradley and Chief executive Colin Hilton

Dear colleague.
At a meeting of the executive board today, 29 February, a number of reports were considered which outlined significant successes for the city.
The members and senior officers present were unanimous in wishing to convey the appreciation to all staff for their hard work in continuing to deliver high quality services and significant improvements for the people of Liverpool.
Much negative publicity in recent weeks has obscured some of this success but it is important that we continue to give public recognition to the work of staff, partner organisations, elected members and communities across the city who are committed to driving forward this improvement.
Well done and continue the good work

Warren Bradley
Leader, Liverpool City Council
Colin Hilton
Chief executive

Message to staff from Colin Hilton

Dear colleague
The council is currently in the process of setting its budget and updating its medium term financial plan.
The ruling group have now set out their proposals which address the funding gap in line with revised priorities and in the light of the recommendations from the Audit Commission.
These are being presented to the Resources select committee tonight (Wednesday) and executive board this Friday which will in turn recommend a budget to the council for a decision on 5 March.
Naturally there will be concern about the impact of potential service changes and the implications for staffing levels in the council. It is inevitable that faced with a prospective funding gap of such size that the proposals will lead to the deletion of a number of posts.
This will not however be of a scale which is significantly different from other budgets in the last 10 years and it is likely to equate to around 200 posts out of a total workforce of 9,500 (excluding school staff who are not affected by these budget proposals).
In line with priorities these reductions will be targeted and not fall uniformly across all services. Of course you will want to know how this general message impacts on your own service areas and managers will be briefing and consulting on the way forward with you over the coming weeks.
This scale of reduction has always been successfully managed by the council using staff turnover and vacancy management to achieve a substantial proportion of the savings requirements and efficiencies.
It remains the ambition of the council to continue to use redeployment under the new proposed procedures going before council as the main mechanism for delivering these reductions.
This means operating the central vacancy management system for all portfolios until this is achieved. Voluntary severance arrangements will operate under the new procedures but there will not be a general open invitation for applications. Instead those service areas which are the subject of reductions will be able to utilise this facility with authorisation from the relevant ED in discussion with HR and Finance but strictly in accordance with the agreed procedures.
Working together and with the co-operation of staff and trades unions I am sure that we will be able to deliver this and minimise the need for any compulsory redundancies to ensure that the council is on a firmer financial footing in order to provide a greater level of security and certainty for our services in the future.

Colin Hilton
Chief Executive

Twigger is the last to twig that the postman doesn't ring twice

Lib Dem councillor Paul Twigger has 'jumped before he was pushed' after being caught using university facilities for the Lib Dem campaign in Knotty Ash.

Twigger has quit his job at Liverpool's John Moores University after being confronted with the evidence by Vice-Chancellor Michael Brown.

But Twigger now faces an internal Town Hall investigation after trying it on a second time - this time by using city council facilities!

Twigger first fired off thousands of letters to voters in Knotty Ash using the JMU postal franking machine - thus saving the Lib Dems a small fortune in stamps.

Unfortunately for him, an eagle-eyed Labour voter in Knotty Ash was amongst the first to receive one of the missives and noticed the JMU postmark on the envelope.

The public-spirited voter immediately alerted Labour Party officials who sent an official complaint to JMU (with a proper stamp, eds)

Twigger was hauled in front of Brown and, under questioning, admitted that he had used the JMU franking machine to send out election literature.

Of course, Twigger insisted that he had sent 'only a few letters' out to voters. (He would say that, wouldn't he? eds)

A chastened Twigger apologised after hurriedly submitting his resignation - before he could be suspended pending a full-scale disciplinary investigation by JMU.

But Twigger did not learn from this - and tried it on a second time. (Nothing if not consistent, eds)

After shoving envelopes through the JMU franking machine, he did exactly the same thing in the Lib Dem office at the Municipal Buildings with a city council franking machine!

Again, one of his Lib Dem letters, complete with city council franked envelope, was handed to Labour officials by a concerned voter.

Now an internal enquiry Town Hall enquiry has begun into Twigger abusing his position and mis-using council taxpayers money for the Lib Dem campaign.

None of which should come as a surprise to any of our loyal readers.

After all, the Lib Dems have spent the last decade mis-using council taxpayers money.

We got it wrong....

Liverpool Subculture would like to issue an official apology to all our readers, to the people of Liverpool and to the millions of little fishies swimming in Salthouse Dock.
All of them will vividly recall the amazing scheme that the Liverpool Culture Company first came up with to stage the Paul McCartney gig at the Salthouse Dock.
The plan was simple (minded, eds).
Stun the fish swimming about in the dock.
Transfer them to a giant goldfish bowl.
Put lots of seats into the dock.
Arrange global TV rights.
And Bob's your uncle.
Then wake up the little fishies and put them back in the dock.
Sound.
Culture Company Director Kris Donaldson (£150K a year, plus Performance Related Pay at 15 per cent, per annum, adding up to around £190-£200K a year) and Lorna Dickenson (£100K a year former BBC producer) were both strong champions of the stun-the-Salthouse-fish scheme.
Frogmen were hired to delve deep into the dock's murky depths and all sorts of soundings were taken, before sadly, the great brains behind the Liverpool Culture Company and the Lib Dim city council finally decided that the scheme was not a go-er.
(Getawaywithyou? Really? What a terrible pity! You do surprise us! eds)
To our eternal shame, Liverpool Subculture has wilfully and persistently mislead our readers, the people of Liverpool and the poor little fishies in our coverage of this exciting, bold and imaginative scheme.
We reported that the feasibility studies for Salthouse Dock had cost a cool £250,000.
We were wrong.
Woefully, unforgiveably, abjectly, wrong.
Incorrect.
False.
Off beam.
Way off target.
Telling porkies.
A Complete Fabrication.
Making it up.
It was Defamatory.
Actionable.
A total lie.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that the total cost of this non-event was..... £330,000.
Of hard-earned council taxpayers money.
Down the drain.
Wasted.
Thrown away.
Mis-spent.
Pissed up against the wall.
Frittered away.
Squandered.
We should like to apologise sincerely for our terrible mistake.
And we promise, we really promise, that this kind of breathtaking blunder will never, ever, ever, happen again.

OUR LORD REDMOND'S FAVOURITE BENCH - MILLIONS TAKE PART IN EXCLUSIVE ECHO PHONE VOTE

TENSION is rising as the Echo reveals the short-listed designs for its Capital of Culture 'Bench of the Entire Universe' contest. masterminded by Our Lord Redmond.
Millions of Merseysiders are expected to take part in the exclusive and extremely testing reader poll to pick the best bench for a person to sit on.
They are likely to have to have to take into account a huge range of incredibly complex considerations, including things like comfort; whether the actual bench is cold or warm; whether the actual bench leaves any marks on your buttocks when you stand up; and whether you prefer to hang about on street corners and become an ASBO type person or whether you have now learnt the error of your ways and prefer to sit on one of Our Lord Redmond's actual special benches and thus make a meaningful contribution to society and Liverpool's brilliant reign as a premier European city under Fireman Bradley.
As Our Lord Redmond has already remarked so aptly:
"Benches. They are not simply something to sit on. They are part of Liverpool's awe-inspiring world-class regeneration. They have the power to move. Literally. To inspire people beyond words. To encompass all that is good and decent in humanity. To lift us above the humdrum and to soar into the clouds, into the far flung corners of the galaxy, to boldly go....." (that's enough Star Trek, eds)
There is also likely to be a tie-breaker which goes along the lines of:
"My bench is better than yours, according to Our Lord Redmond, because.................................................... (in not less than 50 words, to be judged by one of Fireman Bradley's clever spin-doctors).
So you can see why people are getting breathlessly excited by all this in our world-class year as Capital of Culture 2008 and why the people of Anfield and Old Swan and Tuebrook are marvelling at the sheer leap of imagination that is required to fashion one of these 'benches'.
Hopefully the winning design will be sat on by Our Lord Redmond when he is carried through the street of Liverpool by a cheering and ever grateful populace for rescuing the city from its worst excesses.
Then we can all sit down and relax.
But in case you missed it - here is the Echo's eye-popping exclusive about their exclusive competition about the actual bench. Exclusively.
Spot the deliberate piss-take.

TODAY we unveil the shortlisted designs in our Benchmark competition.
Would-be designers inundated the ECHO with their creations for the contest, part of the Open Culture project, created by Phil Redmond and backed by Merseyside’s media.
The winning design will be developed into a full-size bench and a number of them will be put around the city to mark 2008 and as a legacy beyond Capital of Culture year.
Now it is down to ECHO readers to choose which bench is their favourite.
Voting runs all week to pick two finalists who will then have their benches made into prototypes before the winning design is finally chosen.
Phil Redmond, who launched Open Culture to encourage people to get involved in Capital of Culture, said: “We set a creative challenge and I’m very pleased with the response.
“I said at the beginning, it’s not simply a bench. It’s also a cultural resting place, something to sit on, reflect, read, or just watch the world go by.”
Hundreds of entries were also received from Merseyside schools and a separate shortlist will be printed in the ECHO next week when readers will also have the chance to choose a finalist from the schoolchildren’s designs.
ECHO editor Alastair Machray said: “We’d hoped for a good response to our competition but the sheer volume of entries was incredible.
“There were many really innovative, obviously well thought out designs and it was very difficult to whittle them down to just eight.
“All the shortlisted entries are distinct in themselves and make use of all sorts of materials, including wood, metal and recycled plastic.
“Whichever the readers choose as their favourite will form a unique contribution to 2008 and well beyond.”
The eight shortlisted entries include a 3-D model by James Lawson, who envisages his “08 Culture” design being created in recycled plastic.
Adrian Mercer has created a “Heart of Culture” design featuring solar-powered LED lights, while Brian McDonald harks back to the city’s engineering heritage with a galvanised steel Meccano-style seat.
He said: “With Meccano you could build anything from huge cranes, drawbridges and aeroplanes – and even park benches.
“I based my bench on Meccano because it was a large and successful company from Liverpool which gave pleasure, and still does, to many people both young and old.”
L Roberts has designed a ship-shaped seat with a back encompassing the city’s landmarks and the musical refrain of All You Need is Love.
Meanwhile, Joel Phelan sent in a series of designs, of which a wooden “chess bench” complete with a checked board and waterproof clocks to time players was chosen for shortlisting by judges.
Gres Mercer has incorporated a practical cycle rack in an 08-themed retro Mersey Ferry bench.
Ilsa Parry’s word-filled Storyteller bench celebrates Liverpool’s unique accent and language. Its designer said: “Every person has a story to tell, and Scousers tell them best. To read the full story you may have to revisit the resting place many times.”
Finally, Colin Powell has offered a “playful” concept called All Together Now, which he says he wants to “celebrate the positivity, humour and cameraderie of the people of Liverpool.”
Vote for your favourite bench
* VIEW the designs here (PDF)
CALL 0901 229 1800 and key in your two digit vote choice.
or
TEXT LEVOTE followed by a space and the two-digit number you wish to vote for and send your text to 84080
Terms and Conditions: 1. Calls will cost 25p at all times, although network charges may vary. 2. Text messages are charged at 25p plus standard message rate, and this service is available to all networks. 3. Number of entries per person is not limited. 4. Usual competition rules apply. 5. The competition is open to UK residents aged 18 and over at the time of entry, except employees and their immediate families of Trinity Mirror and each of their group companies, and anyone professionally connected with this promotion. 6. Lines will be open from 11am Monday, March 31 until midnight Friday, April 4 2008. 7. Full Trinity Mirror terms and conditions are available on request and can be viewed at www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/rules
culturechat.merseyblogs.co.uk/
And if more than ten people waste any of their hard-earned money on this nonsense, there is probably no hope left for the entire human race.

BENCHMARK? A PAIN IN THE ARSE FROM OUR LORD REDMOND....

OUR Lord Redmond has launched his great cultural initiative for 2008 - Build your own bench! The Echo, pitifully but predictably, has started a Readers Campaign inviting bench designs. (No 673 in a series of totally duff reader campaigns). At first, we thought the Benchmark campaign was tongue in cheek and some mischievous reporter was taking the piss. Now it's clear they are perfectly serious. How any self-respecting journalist can write this kind of shit, is beyond us. Perhaps we should join the Echo contest and build a papier mache bench made up out of all their slavishly uncritical stories about the Culture Company? It would certainly be big enough to provide seating for all the staff the city council is now sacking because of the money they have wasted. Perhaps the bench could go outside the Culture Company's HQ at the Fun Palace? It is laughable. Absurd. Surreal. Inept. Gob-smacking. We reproduce below the Liverpool Echo's campaign. Although which of the sycophantic plonkers in Editor Machray's team was responsible for this nonsense is a complete mystery....

read this and weep.....

ENTRIES have started to roll in for the ECHO’s Benchmark competition.
The contest, to design a bench to be built and placed in the city, appears to have captured the imagination of readers.
Benchmark is being organised as part of the Open Culture initiative launched by Phil Redmond and supported by Merseyside media.
It is aimed at give more people the chance to take part in Capital of Culture celebrations.
ECHO editor Alastair Machray said: “It’s obvious people are keen to rise to the challenge of designing a permanent piece of art in Capital of Culture year.
“There are some very imaginative entries coming in. Some of them are even three dimensional. And at this rate the judges are going to have their work cut out to narrow them down to a shortlist.
“We want people to let their imaginations run wild and create something that’s both useful and at the same time beautiful or thought-provoking.”
Designs can be submitted to be created from wood, metal, plastic or even recycled materials.
The competition is backed by our sister paper the Daily Post, Radio Merseyside and Radio City.
Judges from the ECHO, Open Culture and Liverpool’s public realm team will draw up a shortlist, with ECHO readers voting for the three finalists.
A prototype of their benches will be built with the public deciding on their favourite.
Ten of the winning benches will be placed around the city as a legacy for 2008.
The closing date is Friday, February 29.
CREATE your design for a culture bench in black or white or in colour and in pen, pencil or graphics.
Send the design, stating in which material it is to be made, by post to:
Benchmark competition, Editorial, Liverpool Echo, PO Box 48, Old Hall Street, Liverpool, L69 3EB.
Or email your entry to: catherinejones@liverpoolecho.co.uk
You must include your name, address and a contact phone number. Closing date for entries is Friday, February 29.
cagtherinejones@liverpoolecho.co.uk (sic)
What a hideous sop to cultural engagement.

THE "FUCK UP AND FUCK OFF" BRIGADE - AND HOW MUCH THEY COST COUNCIL TAXPAYERS

LIVERPOOL DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS - by LEE FORDE

I have compiled the attached dossier with a heavy heart and after a great deal of soul-searching. I know that it will damage the city I love and will shock many people.

But I believe that I have a public duty to tell the truth about what happened over the cancellation of the Mathew Street festival and in the days following the publication of the city council’s now discredited internal inquiry report.

My intention is to clear my name of any blame whatsoever. The city council’s own report, as this dossier reveals, has now been disowned by the Leader of the Council, Councillor Warren Bradley – he has admitted that the report’s findings are incorrect.

Nothing less than a full, independent enquiry into all the circumstances of Mathew Street will now be sufficient to allay the growing concern. I will provide any information in my possession to an independent enquiry and will offer full co-operation. I have nothing to fear. I shall also be asking my local MP to officially raise this matter and related matters contained here.

This dossier concentrates in particular on the actions and behaviour of the Leader of the Council and the former Leader, Councillor Mike Storey. I regard their underhand actions in conspiring to get rid of the chief executive of the Culture Company - for whatever reason - as both unethical and utterly immoral.

I believe that the whitewash carried out over the cancellation of Mathew Street cannot disguise the extremely serious issues which exist at a very senior level in the city council and the Culture Company. The battle between officers and politicians which is being constantly fought, is damaging Liverpool and making casualties of the innocent and blameless. They are being cynically made the scapegoats while the guilty go free.

In my view, some of the senior personalities involved in this shameful episode have shown absolutely no regard or concern for other people. They appear perfectly willing to wreck other people’s lives and sacrifice the careers of others to selfishly try and save their own positions and promote their own particular plots.

They have shown themselves to have behaved without honour, decency or a shred of integrity.

Liverpool deserves better than this. Liverpool deserves the truth.

That is the purpose of this report – it is for others to decide the further action which is necessary in Liverpool’s best interests.

Lee Forde

CAST OF CHARACTERS

a) Sir Diddy - Sir David Henshaw, former chief executive and mastermind of the evil cabal. Greedy, blackmailer, corrupt, liar, coup plotter. Now Chair of the health service in the North West - despite the opposition of 25 Labour MPs. Tony Parrish's sworn enemy. Successfully exposed by the now legendary liverpoolevilcabal blog. Fled Liverpool with tail between his legs. TP still out to finish him off. Small man - giant ego.
a)Sir David Henshaw
a)Sir Diddy
b) The rottweiller - Dr David McElhinney, chief executive of Liverpool Direct Limited. Henshaw's right hand man. Twisted, vicious, irredeemably nasty piece of work. Robbed the city blind to feather his own nest and his own predilections for blonde women. Should be in jail.
b) The Rottweiller's bolt hole
b)Blondes
b)boxing hobby benefits from LDL
b)The rottweiller
c) Hasitall, the smiling assassin - Phil Halsall, Executive Director and third member of the evil cabal. City now £23million in the red thanks to his incompetent financial stewardship. Hypocrite, liar, worthless. Hanging on to his job by the skin of his teeth.
c)Hasitall
d) Colin CoverUp - Colin Hilton, current chief executive. Whitewashed the wrongdoing of the evil cabal. Lacklustre and incompetent bureaucrat. Not exactly inspirational.
d)Colin CoverUp
e) The fireman - Warren Bradley, current council leader. Spectacularly out of his depth. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A puppet of his parents, Storey and Paul Clark. No discernible beliefs, except hanging on to power, so an ideal Lib Dem. Constantly given the run-around by officials, who take the piss out of him behind his back..
f) The storeyteller - Mike Storey, former council leader. Consistently weak.
g) The Harbarrowboy - Jason Harborow, former chief executive of the Culture Company. Promoted way beyond his abilities by Henshaw and Storey. Ruinous mis-management of Culture. Perma-tanned from constant trips abroad, laden with gold jewellery, ecky-thump accent. Cost the city tens of millions of pounds. On the run in Spain, where he has bought an ice-cream factory. Sickening, arrogant little jumped up con-man. Just like Henshaw.
g)The Harbarrowboy
h) Donald Bullshitter - Kris Donaldson, acting chief exec of Culture in the Harbarrowboy's absence. Can't take decisions to save his life. Fantastically spendthrift, no judgement, like a frightened rabbit caught in headlights. There is genuine amusement that the most incompetent of them all has risen to the top! All teeth, irritating US drawl and no substance. Probably voted for Bush. Living proof of the phrase 'couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery'.
ha) The Great White Hope - Phil Redmond, multi-millionaire Labour Party member. Self-styled saviour of 2008 and voice of the people. Lagubrious, loutish demeanour. Affects a thick Scouse accent for public appearances. Self-interested ego-maniac eyeing up his chances of becoming first elected Liverpool Mayor. Appears to believe he is a central character in a low-grade soap opera. Keeps on referring to 'when I was at Brookside, we did this...." without any apparent shame. Has done nothing so far but get himself headlines in the Echo.Utter waste of space.
ha)Redmond attacks BBC for perfectly impartial report
ha)Redmond makes stupid promises
i) Ken Unworthy/the bald legal eagle - Michael Kenworthy, crap city solicitor.
j) Lee Forde - former Events boss, warned that Mathew Street could not be delivered because of Harbarrowboy's massive cuts. Jumped ship rather than have his professionalism and integrity compromised. Fighting the city council for constructive dismissal. Victimised and subject to dirty tricks campaign by the council. We are on his side.
k) Joe Anderson - Labour Leader. The best hope for the city. Hasn't put a foot wrong, harrying the Lib Dems at every turn. No nonsense - set to wield the axe amongst the fat cats. Determined to clean up the city.
l) 'Randy' Newman - Paul Newman, £90,000 a year Head of Communications for the Culture Company. Stabbing Joe Riley in the back is just one of his many offences. Staff secretly snigger about his Leslie Phillips 'Carry On Doctor', "well, hell-oo..." drawl at the sight of an attractive new woman. Hence, also known as 'lascivious Leslie'. A proven liar, bully and worst of all, completely ineffective. Lives in Gloucester - only here for the money and the next fat cat job. Currently cosy-ing up like crazy to Bryan Gray, from the NWDA, in an attempt to get a new job.
l)Randy Newman
m) Joe Riley - irritatingly opinionated columnist at the appallingly downmarket Echo. Self-styled 'expert' on all things cultural. Appears to have had the wind knocked out of him after being disciplined for falling asleep during a Jimmy McGovern play. May not have the bottle anymore to critiscise the council/Culture Co. Lacks awareness of any wider world outside the narrow confines surrounding his desk.
m)Riley attacks CoC stupidity
n) Robbing Archer - Robyn Archer, Aussie Artistic Director personally appointed by Henshaw. Did bugger all but take the money and flounce around town with a girly retinue on 'scoping' exercises. Paid off with £360,000 by the Fireman. Absolutely disastrous episode for Liverpool.
x) more to come...

INTERNATIONAL NEWS! BUENOS DIAS SENOR!!!!

By now, our loyal readers will have grown accustomed to the international attention which Liverpool subCulture attracts. But we thought one small technical detail about one of our global afficionados might be of particular interest.
On 11th October 2007, beginning at 06:16:11, we had one particular reader in Spain, (of all countries! eds) who spent a total of 6 hours 16 mins and 0 secs reading the subculturegossip post 'HAS JASE DONE A RUNNER ALREADY?'
He spent almost as much time on the blog as Trinity Mirror, The Mersey Partnership, the Audit Commission and Liverpool Direct!
We have now labelled this entry on our internal monitoring system 'The Harbarrowboy in Spain' - and he gets a groovy little Spanish flag icon alongside his technical details for showing such conspicuous interest in our humble little efforts. This will enable us to keep you posted of his future interest in the blog.
Still, you would think there would be something else to do around the hacienda, wouldn't you?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

WIRRAL EXCLUSIVE: PROF CHUCKLEBUTTY GIVES HIS VERDICT ON ADOBE ACROBATS, THE CUSTARD COMPANY AND RUDE VAN WINKLE...

By Jove! It's me Sir Diddy, here to celebrate with you.

Today, to mark this historic occasion, instead of my usual frivolity, I offer you a serious address, no not me house in Aigburth “Stillgrabbin” I’ve flogged that, although it still hurts that I couldn’t get at that 50pence piece that fell behind the old boiler, well Lady Diddy is hard to shift after a hard day at the factory knotting sausages.

Here Ladies and Cheltenham, on what should have been a special day for me, had I not been forced to retire on wealth grounds, is my speech to open the Capital of Custard.2008.

They wouldn’t let me make it on the night, even though it was though my glorious leadership that we won it.

Instead, the crowd got a few ramblings from the Anaemic Mermaid herself, Phyllis Redmond, the man who turned the custard company around, so they couldn’t see that he’d done nothing for five years.

“We did it,” he proclaimed!

Through a mouth that looks like somebody sat on a pasty.

“It’s like a scouse wedding!” So you’re all condemned to years of fighting and misery trying to pay for it.

What an inspiration!

Had I still been at the helm this is what you would have got at the Sir Diddy Arena (as it should have been called)

By Jove Missus, We did it!!!! It’s been like a scouse wedding here…..(hang on cut that bit Lady Diddy)

Yes, by Jove, Capital of Custard 2008.

Can you all see me at the back? What do you mean you can’t see me at the front? Can somebody get me a bigger box?

Welcome to Liverpool, the year in which Liverpool itself is the show!

After five years of the Custard Company using every opportunity to make a show of us, it has arrived at last. Here we are in a giant shed in the docks. Yes I know many of you have wanted to see me in the dock for a long time.

Did you all go on Friday?

What a spectacle it was on the steps of St David’s Hall. It left the crowd wanting more, you could here thousands of voices winding back down Lime Street saying over and over again “Is Da F**kin it?”

Nearly three million quid spent on that box of Bengo matches and the three rockets trading standards confiscated in November. Thirty-five minutes of quality entertainment and Pete Price.

Unfortunately the planned opening choral piece from the Grotty Cash Asbo Ensemble, singing my very own theme song, “Pick a pocket or two” had to be postponed when they were all arrested during rehearsals.

I have enlisted the help of renowned Liverpool lawyer and pothole expert, my old sparing partner, Sir Rex of the Hesperus to get the choir released. As you know, I will do anything for a tenor.

Did all enjoy the aerial artistes? That was a mistake you know.

Young Clara MeCogloose was showing Jasper Hottlebottle a sketched out proposal to have a Toxteth Riots sequence on the steps outside the hall, the custard company’s idea of how to engage communities, and Hottlebottle said could you do it with Adobe Acrobat.

So MeCogloose, who is a bit daft in one ear, promptly rushed off looking for some dozy acrobats. Well ladies and gentlemen the idea of the aerial acrobats clearly captured the imagination of the people of the city.

I was touched by the hundreds of requests by people asking to see me suspended from a rope as the main feature for the grand opening.

Unfortunately I suffer from Vertigo with Sagittarius, the Robbing Archer on the cusp. That’s why I can only go to grade 6 Cuban heels. Yes missus, otherwise I get Diddy Spells!
We have a spectacular show for you tonight!

Those of you who know me know that I am a great supporter of our wonderful Liverpool Phil. No not pasty face Redmond! The Philharmonic!

I understand that Arriva have given one of their finest conductors the night off to be here with us.

What’s his name again? Petroleum Jellyco..who? Vascular….Verysilly….Potato? I can’t read this… thought you had spell checked! Is it Raphael Benetton ? What happened to the other fella…Simon Throttle?

Anyway, they’ll be knocking out a few numbers later, including, from the Lib-Dem Book of Patriotic Songs, Land of Hopeless Storey and Rule Blog Ban Ya, along with old favourites, The Plight of the Bumbler Bradley and Amazing Gross Misconduct.

Later for the kids and the Leader, we have some cartoons. The Bugs Bunny Men, Pete Wylie Coyote, Sonia the Hedgehog, MacElhinney the Pooh (that’s a euphemism) The Wombats of Wimbledon, Foghorn Leggarty with his Rooster for Mayor campaign and of course the one and only Pingu Starr from The Arctic Monkees. He’ll be performing in his new singlet again plus the classic hit, “What would you do if I once sang in tune”

Pingu will be signing copies of his new release at the Arena later this evening and all next week in the Pound Shop on Breck Road. I hear Frankies Gone to Holly Oaks so they wont be here.
And despite attempts by a local politician to prevent Farm products being brought in to the Arena, following his experiences of foot in mouth, it has been agreed he will hide in the Ladies when they come on stage to perform their renowned anthrax, er anthem, “All the money’s gone”

There’s more, Ladies and gentlemen, by Jove an authentic voice of Liverpool youth, it says here, then he must have accidentally slipped by the Custard Company to be on stage here tonight, unless he’s the son of one of them, RudeVanWinkle will be performing his rap tribute to Liverpool 08…. here’s a short taster. Riuven is it?

“ Liverpool, it’s 08

you gonna pay for it mate

cos the guys with the purse

been nothin’ but a curse

now it’s here

and the beer

is sellin’ at a rate

that I cant afford a drink,

what I got to celebrate?

You had five years bro,

to plan and you fail

Wasting money you aint got,

you should be in Walton gaol

What you’ve done to the people,

will be done to you I hope

When you’re in the prison shower,

bendin’ down for da soap”

By Jove, Missus, cover the vicars ears, that brings tears to your eyes!

A very Rude Van Winkle.

Finally to say to you all, whatever this bunch of rogues and halfwits supposed to have been leading this have or have not done over the last five years, the hard working staff and ordinary decent Liverpool people involved at the front line of all this have been doing their best to make it a meaningful year beyond the earnings and egos of the incompetent bunch of self serving, self important, careerist money grabbing opportunists trying to claim the credit….well imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so thank you.

Many, if not most, of the events and highlights would have happened anyway but at least this year you might pop along to them and even enjoy them.

If you can get something out of it wonderful, personally, I can’t. all the big money has gone so I’m off back to my new adopted home away from Grotty Cash and back to Mirth of Tydfil in Wales.

Liverpool I left you and I always let you down.

So c’mon Liverpool, get down with D.Diddy and let’s party….sorry special free invitation only to Malmaisson.

No Scousers.

Yakkie Da Everybody Yakkie Da!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008 2:29:00 AM

10 comments:

Tony Parrish47 said...: What, amongst so much rich material, is your favourite laffoutloud bit, dear readers? Speaking personally, mine is "Land of Hopeless Storey..."; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 10:51:00 am
Anonymous said...: Foghorn Leggarty, a mayor for Liverpool. Very funny. Although some people are now saying "Chuckle for mayor"...It's a plan.; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 11:17:00 am
Anonymous said...: The custard company makes me giggle; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 4:12:00 pm
Anonymous said...: once again proffesor chucklebutty hits the nail on the head brilliant stuff. I dont agree with having a mayor for liverpool and would only change my mind if the prof was up for it.; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 5:38:00 pm
Anonymous said...: Spent most of the day with "All the money's gone" to the tune of Altogether Now going through my head ...; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 7:25:00 pm
Anonymous said...: 'adobe acrobat' is just an absolute fecking classic. chucklebutty for mayor - but only if Tony Parrish will be his spin doctor!; Wednesday, January 16, 2008 10:47:00 pm
Anonymous said...: "Rule blog ban ya". I was chuckling all day (and I work for the city council); Wednesday, January 16, 2008 11:22:00 pm
Anonymous said...: Sirs,
With reference to the inclusion of my Liverpool 08 Rap, and some feedback from fans,I would like to take this opportunity to state that in relation to the content dealing with the "prison shower" neither the professor nor I condone any act of sexual aggression. This was purely lyrical metaphor to illustrate the discontent towards certain individuals in their attitude and actions that ill served the people of Liverpool. I apologise unreservedly for any offence this may have caused unless you is a smelly Goth. Please do not mistake my stage persona for the sensitive and thoughtful person behind the mask. If you care to examine my You tube video collection,including Inglenook and park, you will see that my interests are varied ranging from culinary delights and bar menus providing good old fashioned traditional sunday lunch, to the availability of "gash" at the Inglenook. I am also aware that my crude metaphor equally applies to my own person once the media and music industry have squeezed any profit from my imported socially engineered and promoted "talent" that aims to divert young people, the socially marginalized and disadvantaged or otherwise dangerous lumpen elements into a delusional cul de sac of harmless rebellion and aspirations to enter the predominantly self destructive and pointless world of celebrity.

Your good friend
Rudolf Van Winkle
x; Thursday, January 17, 2008 12:51:00 am
Anonymous said...: t is that good I am jealous. Rest assured, the city councillors have seen it and laughed (in cross party support!); Thursday, January 17, 2008 1:08:00 am
Anonymous said...: By Jove, Missus, have you seen the headlines following my guest appearance on Wicked FM welsh radio show, Friday night with Jones the Rrhos?

“Fury over Sir Diddy Comments on Rrhos The Interview”
…..When asked by Rrhos what Diddy missed most about Liverpool, he laughed. Somewhat taken aback Rrhos said, I waaaasn’t expecting laughter boyo, is there anything you miss about Liverpool? “Err, the money” replied Sir Diddy……..Many people are now saying that Sir Diddy’s return to Liverpool for the opening event was a cynical manoeuvre to remind people of how bloody awful it could have been. Leader of the City Inconsolable, Wally Bradlow said. It is sad that Diddy chose not to make up a load of sentimental toss about the city. We welcomed him to the event with an open expenses account. There’s a lot going on he could have talked about….all the grotty things that we have been busy covering up, the Shakespeare company is doing one of his finest comedies, rewritten for Liverpool, “Two Gentlemen on Perroni”
We certainly wont be inviting him to this years Matthew Street Festival…is it on? Having spent some time with Diddy, his comments disappointed me and I really thought he was bigger than that.

Comments from Local people included;
String him up!
Punch him on the chin, if you can find it,
I think Pete Bounds the one they got rid of would have been better
He is just too used to the Hollyhead lifestyle.
He was just here to promote his crap CD “Liverpool H8 Figure”
What a heel!

By Jove, ladies and gentlemen, having left Liverpool still feeling full of plumtiousness and other free booze at the Malmaison, I wake up next day to find according to a city opinion poll, I am public enemy number one, overtaking Hitler, Tarby, Spring Heeled MacIllhinney, Boss Hogg, from the Dukes of Hazard and Beryl Barmpot. I’ll bet half of the people making these comments didn’t even see my interview! So missus, to allow you to make up your own mind, I offer the full edited and fiddled about with transcript of my interview, to allow the good and fuuurrrrr…..fuuurrr, we say in Liverpool, fuurrr minded people to decide for themselves. Here it is.

MUSIC FADES
Rrhos: The House band ladies and gentlemen Four Executive Diwectors and a Fiasco.Now, shall we bwing the next guest on?

(Audience screaming no and running for exits)

Rrhos: Here he is ladies and gentlemen, the one and only,thank god, Sir Diddy Upstart.

Diddy: By Jove, they all love me. Love and peace missus, by Jove yes, you look like you’d love a piece. Can I say how tickled I was to be in Liverpool last weekend for the City of Custard, where’s me CD? Show em me CD. Yes I was tickled 35,000 times…in cash! What a wonderful weekend. Hartlepool is great.

Rrhos: Now I see you’re still giving it the fingers, wubbing you thumb acwoss them.

Diddy: Well yes, I’m still trying to spread love of cash. Love of cash everyone!

Rrhos: So the only thing you miss is the money?

Diddy: Well the crowd was excited so I had to say I was this close to coming back for some more, but the Custard Company has spent it and the budget for the next few years. Don’t get me wrong, Liverpool is great, I grew rich there, I have accounts there, but you know you can only get away with so much before you laugh so hard on the way to the bank that you rupture your clack.

Rrhos: Now you have had another caweer and been in a few films.

Diddy: Yes I was great. I played a Robbing Australian Archer alongside Marlon Bradley, we were friends for 2 weeks and then nothing. But he used to come into breakfast meetings with me and start counting the spoons and I’d say look, he’s counting the spoons. Marvellous!

Rrhos: I was looking at one of your other movies recently not the one pwoduced by council staff when you were Chuckle Executive “Help” but the more wecent one Health! And the humour in that still shines thwough. A fat little gnome lecturing about health and fluffing his lines is still hilarwious. Lets’s face it you were cwap. Still available on Youtube. In fact I am gonna make the kids watch it if they don’t go to bed. Now we found this photo of you outside a bank in Liverpool, so who are these guys?

Diddy: Oh by Jove, that’s Rory Storey and the Shenanigans and you see him on the end, he was the Jimmy Kendricks of his day. And that’s Macca, the dog, you know whenever we went away, in those days, we had to take a blonde. I wonder where she is now.

Rrhos: But you are wearwing big pink money belts, I imagine it must have taken some bottle in Livepool with all the cuts in services to wear that.

Diddy: Those moneybelts were useful, when they tried to corner us, we said hey we got moneybelts and they just handed me another £380,000!

Rrhos: So let’s talk about your new CD Liverpool H8, now not only is this on CD, but it is, look at this, available on ligature, I haven’t seen this before.

Diddy: Yes a friend of mine Chas Creole produces these from his modest offices in Freepark, you can wear it around your neck and strangle yourself to death listening to my lectures.

Rrhos: Diddy, it’s been wonderful to have you here, give me you bank account number and keep spweading love of cash, Ladies and Gentlemen, Sir Diddy.
(Audience hisses) End of Interview.

Rrhos: So, Sir Wichard of Attenborwough, were you ever tempted to shag an Iguana?

(Cut transcript)

So there you have it missus, I was great! Lovable, full of plumptiousness and really selling the City of Custard. Of course now in Liverpool they are going to have to sell everything to pay for it. So pop down to the Oh H8 place and show your support by purchasing one of the 08 commemorative products produced by the Royal Dickie Mint “Tears for Souvenirs” They are going at cost price only £1.00 each and we have at least 26 million of them to shift, Unfortunately Liverpool Direct is charging the council £2.20 to sell them. Different budget lines, different lines, it’s all legal. Ha ha! By Jove, my Diddymen learned well from the Squire of Grotty Cash and my diddy love child Doc the MacIllMarmaliser. We get by with a little help from our friends.

Tatty Bye everybody, Tatty Bye!; Thursday, January 24, 2008 1:01:00 am

Labour MPs slam unholy Trinity Mirror over birth of Oldham Echo

Six Merseyside MPs have tabled a parliamentary motion calling on Trinity Mirror to stop the “haemorrhaging” of jobs from its offices in Liverpool.
It follows the announcement last month that 43 journalists were to be axed from the Liverpool Post and Echo.
In September more than 100 jobs were lost from the city when printing of the papers was moved to Oldham.
Cynics have now started referring to the Echo as 'The Oldham Echo.'
The Labour MPs who have tabled the Early Day Motion – a type of parliamentary petition – are Peter Kilfoyle (Liverpool Walton), Geroge Howarth (Knowsley North and Sefton East), Frank Field (Birkenhead), Edward O’Hara (Knowsley South), Ben Chapman (Wirral South), and Claire Curtis-Thomas (Crosby).
Read the full text of the motion.
MPs from all over the UK can support the EDM - certainly more Merseyside MPs should be encouraged to sign up.
Please find your MP and ask them to sign.

So if he is not Pete price, who is he?

PETE Price is not Pete Price, according to the Oldham Echo.
That is the sensational news revealed tonight by a man posing as the popular talk show host with City-Talk-but-no-one-listens.
Apparently, the Echo columnist is actually a total phoney. A fake. A charlatan. A rogue. A complete ****ing imposter!
Who would have thought it?
We hope this means that the Echo will now discontinue the phoney Mr Price's crap column forthwith.
If they want to fill the space they could give it to the real Pete Price and his excellent blog at http://peteprice967.blogspot.com/. Or Chucklebutty.
Tho we doubt whether either would ever be quite as funny as the Fake Pete Price.

Letting the Kat out of the bag....

Meanwhile in the Dale Street bunker, Colin CoverUp is trying to work out how to appoint a new team of bureaucrats to replace those that have scarpered with huge pay-offs.
High on his list of priorities, given the worst council in the country's 'wonderful' public image, is the £75,000-a year post of Director of Communications.
Head-hunters have been appointed to trawl for suitable candidates, but it appears that CoverUp could have avoided the ruinous extra cost of the interminable appointments procedure.
He has already let it be known that he reckons the successfull candidate can be found close to home.
Step forward Kathryn Smith, head of Internal Communications with the city council, who CoverUp has earmarked for the role.
Ms Smith is best known for her slavish loyalty to the dreaded rottweiller Dr David McElhinney and her unquestioning sycophancy to Sir Diddy.
She regularly produced astonishing 'motherhood and apple pie' tributes to the evil rottweiller and the greedy and corrupt Sir Diddy in the pages of Council People - the city council's staff magazine.
She has spent the last few months faffing about doing various obscure things with the Culture Company - which has obviously produced a noticeable upsurge in positive perceptions of the Capital of Cock Ups.
Quite how she will cope with the Oldham Echo is anyone's guess.
Nor can she be said to enjoy the full confidence of other communications colleagues who have long suspected her of being the 'spy in the camp' for the rottweiller.
Meanwhile the Lib Dims are scouring the country for a sympatyhiser who will accept their poisoned chalice.
Candidates were actively lobbying the Fireman during the Lib Dim conference, although admittedly their enthusiasm appeared to be directly related to their proximity to the bar and the lateness of the hour.
A battle royal (what, another one? eds) could erupt between supporters of Cover Up's chosen one and the Lib Dim favoured candidate.
But look forward to plumes of grey smoke from the MO building in the very near future as Ms Smith emerges promising a bright new dawn for the city council.
You read it here first...

Sign the No 10 petition for an independent investigation into the city council and LDL

A PETITION has been started on the No 10 Downing Street website calling for an independent investigation into the worst council in the country, LDL, etc, etc.
You can sign the petition here Go On, What Harm Can It Do - May As Well Let the Bastards Know That Some of Us Object To Their Actions.
You can read about the petition here too......
Liverpool City Council has been officially cited as the worst Local Authority in the country.
They are £62,000,000.00 in debt and that debt is rising.
Successive audits have shown significant failings in financial management.
A recent report from KPMG made thirty-seven recommendations regarding the contract with Liverpool Direct Limited.
It is imperative for the people of Liverpool that an impartial investigation be carried out by an incorruptible body accountable to Parliament.
The National Audit Office is the only organisation which has the authority to carry out a wide ranging, detailed and impartial investigation into the financial management of Liverpool and more specifically the relationship between the Local Authority and the companies Liverpool Direct Limited and Liverpool Schools Services Limited.
We therefore petition the Prime Minister to instruct Tim Burr - on behalf of Parliament - to send an investigation team to Liverpool with full powers to access and inspect any and all records and interview any and all persons whom they may deem necessary and to grant any persons giving evidence protection under the Public Interest Disclosure Act.

FIREMAN BRADLEY LIED TO RADIO MERSEYSIDE LISTENERS (AGAIN)

Fireman Bradley lied to BBC Radio Merseyside listeners about the Lib Dem's closure of Leighton Dene and Boaler St old folks homes.
That's according to the independent Commission for Social Care Inspection - and Tony Hunter, the city council's own Director of Social Services!
The Fireman was being questioned on the wireless by Roger Phillips about his city council's closure of the centres, which provide respite care for the victims of dementia and Alzheimers.
To try and justify these digraceful closures, Bradley told Phillips: "Probably 90 per cent of local authorities in the country still don't provide that sort of care and it was highlighted via the inspectors that Liverpool maybe shouldn't be doing this as part of the core business."
Labour MP Jane Kennedy wrote to the Commission for Social Care Inspection to ask if they had suggested - or made any comment at all either in writing or verbally - about Liverpool city council not providing such care in their inspection reports, known as Performance Assessment Notebooks.
Er............. no, came back the reply from Chief Inspector Paul Snell.
Or to be more specific:
"I can confirm that there is no evidence in either the council's Performance Asessment Notebook or any other performance related correpondence we hold that supports any such comments having been made.
"The Business Relationship Manager for Liverpool is adamant that such comments have not been made verbally or in writing," he added.
Then Mr Snell helpfully volunteered the following: "We have also contacted the Director of Adult Social Services (the aforementioned Mr Hunter) for Liverpool City Council, who has confirmed our understanding."
It appears therefore, that even one of Colin CoverUp's overpaid army of bureaucrats didn't have the brass neck to try and dig Bradley out of the hole he had dug for himself.
So, under the relentless Paxman-like Radio Merseyside questioning, fireman Bradley (typically) opted to lie about the views of an independent Inspectorate - in a desperate attempt to try and justify the Lib Dem closures of Boaler St and Leighton Dene.
Cowardly hypocrite.

Lorna departs with £45,000 in her handbag - after costing Liverpool half a million

FORMER BBC producer Lorna Dickinson has been told to clear her desk at the Capital of Culture Fun Palace after failing to deliver anything for the Sir Paul McCartney concert.
But, true to form for all CoC failures, she is being paid off to the tune of £45,000 of council taxpayers money.
That's on top of the more than a half a million quid that she has cost Liverpool for pissing about for the last 18 months.
Dickinson was the genius behind the now legendary Salthouse Dock scheme (Liverpool Subculture, passim) which cost council taxpayers £330,000.
Then of course, there is the £100,000 a year in consultancy fees which she has been slipping into her purse for holding a series of interminable meetings and twiddling her thumbs doing, frankly, fuck all.
So now she has been put forward as Hon.Pres of the Fuck Up and Fuck Off Brigade (proposed: Sir David Henshaw, seconded: The Harbarrowboy).
Dickinson has been unceremoniously given two weeks to tidy her desk and try to account for the dozens of transatlantic flights, champagne lunches and dinners which she treated herself to in her globe-trotting quest to take the piss out of Liverpool.
The cot of this is already rumoured to be in the region of £80,000.
Shame that the penny only dropped with CoverUp after her profligacy was finally exposed by the Liverpool Subculture blog.
(Some minion brings CoverUp regular print-outs).
Interstingly, her former colleagues at the Beeb appear to be trying to fight a rearguard action in her defence, claiming that she was given the push for blowing the whistle on the Culture Company's transatlantic junketing.
As if.....

The Curse of Culture........

As European Capital of Culture 2008, this is Liverpool's most important year for a generation, goes the oft-repeated spin.
So have you noticed how many senior people/fat cats are departing before 2008 is out and all the glossy brochures have even been sent for recycling?
Do they all know something we don't?
Has the Titanic already hit the iceberg?
Or is it something more sinister?
Let us examine the evidence.....
Drummond BoneHead, Chair of the Culture Company - leaving Liverpool in June.
Jason Harbarrowboy, chief executive of the Culture Company - forced to quit in January.
Loyd Grossman, Chairman of National Museums and Galleries - leaving in June after a fall-out with the irredeemably boring Museums boss, David Fleming.
Sue Woodward, former Deputy Chair of the Culture Company - resigned from Granada TV after being kicked off the Culture Board by a typically ungrateful Our Lord Redmond and quietly-spoken Bryan Gray.
Mick Elliott, Chief Executive of the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic and pocketing £60,000 for working two days a week at the Culture Company - resigned to go to the DCMS.
Not to mention Robbing Archer, Sir Diddy, Chris Green.
(You said you wouldn't mention them, eds)
Why have all these people, who have all been so prominently associated with Capital of Culture 2008, ended their Scouse sojourns so prematurely?
This is getting spooky....
Could it possibly be......
The Curse of Culture??
And if so, who will be next to fall victim to The Grim Reaper?
Dare we suggest it might be Fireman Bradley?

FIREMAN'S INTERVIEW WITH ROGER PHILLIPS, AFTER COUNCIL RANKED THE WORST FINANCIALLY RUN

Roger: This is not a good report for us is it Warren?
Fireman:Well Roger we’ve got to put it into perspective really haven’t we and remember where Liverpool was and that’s not thinking back 10 years. Liverpool has come an awful long way. The people of Liverpool were asking for lower Council Tax and the Liberal Democrats have delivered that and they also wanted better services and you look at the services that are now delivered by Liverpool City Council. If we look at the most vulnerable either elderly or the Children’s Services the social care we are now delivering at a level that Liverpool has never delivered before. We also look at the bread and butter your schools, your sports centres, your libraries, One Stop Shops in communities, our parks, we’ve got 13 green flag parks. It’s like a new home to me when you get an old dilapidated derelict building you’ve got to bring it up to a standard and I think Liverpool City Council under the Liberal Democrats have certainly done that and I am certain if we did a survey of people in the City do you want Liverpool City Council to sit on £20m worth of reserves or do you want the City Council delivering front line services that affect the most vulnerable and people’s lives in the City. I think that they would vote with their feet and say that we support the policies of Liverpool City Council. We’ve got to look at the financial regulations put in by Government and if you want my opinion about this Roger it is purely political.
Roger: Well come on, you know the Audit Commission is not a political body
Fireman: Well with respect Roger and I would beg to differ on that
Roger: Well how can it be a political, it’s an independent organisation?
Fireman: We can say everything is independent to a certain extent but you know you look at what we’ve got at the moment in Liverpool and we’re delivering top quality services.
Roger: But the problem with this is that you’ve got an overall score rating of 2 which was adequate performance into 05, overall score in 06 was 2 which is adequate performance.
This year it is down to 1 below minimum requirements inadequate performance.
Fireman: Based around financial regulations…
Roger: Yes I’m talking about the financial…..
Fireman: Laid down by government. I mean that’s what you’ve got to remember. Don’t try and muddy the waters and say oh this is about Liverpool City Council and their overall performance. It’s not. You look at the issue that we’ve done about achievements. Liverpool scoring 3-4 on achievement at the moment through the Audit Commission.
Roger: I didn’t know that.
(EDs: Pitiful, just pitiful.)
Fireman: And we do seem to always go to the negatives when we’re looking for something like this.
Roger: The District Auditor was pretty negative about you wasn’t he and…
Fireman: No, I have got to say Roger I would love to have £50m in reserves. I would also love not to have to put additions of £7m into adult social care and £2-3m into children’s social care. The facts are we have got to do that because of the pressures that are on Liverpool at the moment.
Roger: So are other Councils….
Fireman: I’m not willing as Leader of this Council to take away care to the most vulnerable to allow it to sit in reserve. I am not willing to do that and I will go to the stake on that the people of the City. Liverpool now is only one of a handful of Councils up and down the country that is providing moderate care to the most vulnerable people in the City. Now to give people an idea of what moderate care is that is home care. These people who’ve got no family to support them and require a visit in the morning or a visit in the evening to make sure they’re ok to help them to take the pills, to make sure that they’ve got the food. Most Councils up and down this country have removed that care. Liverpool City Council is still allowing our most vulnerable people our sort of care. Now is that wrong, is that wrong?
Roger: Now no one would argue that’s wrong but everyone. But many people are affected by housing. Housing is really poor isn’t it. I mean you are so poor you’ve had to hand it over to a different group to run it.
Fireman: Well with respect Roger, with respect, you’ve got to know what the Housing Corporation have done and in partnership with the Government again it’s easy to say it’s the Council, in partnership with the Government we’ve tackled head on through the Pathfinder areas of the inner core of the City some of the housing inefficiencies of the City. That hasn’t happened over the last five years that’s happened over 30 or 40 years. The problems in Norris Green in housing were prevalent 30 or 40 years ago and weren’t tackled. As an Authority we’ve challenged what wasn’t tackled and we’ve challenged it head on and I opened a couple of weeks ago with Flo Clucas and Marilyn Fielding with Cobalt Housing the first phase of Norris Green. We’ve transformed that area and its got houses for sale and social housing in Norris Green that people are seeking to live in now. We’ve got in a core Edge Hill, Kensington, Kirkdale the same issues that have been there for 30 or 40 years that we’re tackling now hand in hand with the Government. I’m not taking the credit for it and the Government isn’t. We’ve got a schools’ programme that is second to none. Liverpool’s young people are now achieving at the national average. I want it higher than national average to give new opportunity but again I’ll say I’m not going to suit accountants’ financial regulations in London and leave £millions sitting in reserve while we have still got the challenges Liverpool has got and I think people you know.
Roger: Do you think it was a mistake to keep Council Tax down or freeze it over the past few years?
Fireman: Well isn’t it ironic Roger how last week John Healey said how Liverpool is charging £101 a head...
Roger: Because its inefficiencies….
Fireman: Well we have taken £150m worth of inefficiencies out of our budget over the last 10 years. We’ve kept Council tax down which is exactly what Government policy is and is exactly what John Healey is saying. Councillor Joe Anderson is saying something completely different to the people of Liverpool that he will put taxes up to build reserves to put in reserve well again this administration this Lib Dem administration is not going to tax for the sake of taxing to leave money sitting in reserve. We will build up the reserves over a period of years and then we will be able to tackle some of the other issues that we’ve got to do. We recognise the health inequalities. To improve health inequalities we’ve got to have a real stable economy offering real opportunity and raising the aspirations in them poorer communities. You cannot do that leaving millions and millions of pounds laying in reserves and this administration will continue the robust financial management that we’ve done. We’ll carry on delivering…
Roger: If it was that robust we wouldn’t have this problem of £20m overdrawn on Capital of Culture.
Fireman: Roger, lets put things into hindsight. We are still delivering front line services. We are still…
Roger: It’s about £20m overall that we’re short this year – now that’s not robust management
Fireman: But Roger we are going through a budget setting process. Every Local Authority up and down the country is in the same process as us. I remember reading about Wirral being £50m short. Other Local Authorities. I meet the core city leaders who are £40-£50m short exactly the same as Liverpool . And let’s not forget I haven’t come on here to knock the Government I’ve come on here to say that I believe we’ve got a robust financial programme in place that is going to deal with the shortfall. We’ve delivered year on year but I’ll say again I am not going to allow millions and millions of pounds to lay in reserve. Cut front line services to the most vulnerable and then say that’s acceptable. Nor as Leader of this Council am I going to allow Council Tax to go through the roof again which will drive the inability to bring further investment into this City. While the Lib Dems have been in control we’ve brought Council Tax down, we’ve brought renewed confidence and we’ve brought real investment that will bring opportunities to the most vulnerable and I think that is the most important and I think the people of this City will stand full square with us on that. I’m proud of what we’ve delivered in this City over the last 10 years and Capital of Culture is part of that."
AND NOT A WORD ABOUT THE BARROWBOY'S PAY-OFF...

Robyn Archer - AN APOLOGY

In a previous post by Tony Parrish in 2006, it was claimed that the Liverpool Culture Company's former Artistic Director, Robyn Archer had left the company and returned to Australia with an £80,000 pay-off.
We now accept that this report was untrue.
We would like to withdraw the post on behalf of Mr Parrish and apologise unreservedly to Ms Archer for any embarrassment that was caused to her personally or any damage caused to her reputation.
We would also like to offer our sincere apologies to both the Liverpool Culture Company and Liverpool city council for publishing an inaccurate report on our web log and for implying that they would be careless or reckless with council taxpayers money.
We have been asked to make clear that, in fact, the pay-off to Ms Archer was substantially more than £80,000.
She was, in fact, paid off to the end of her contract in 2008.
This means that she was given £150,000 for 2007 and £150,000 for 2008.
To this should also be added £75,000 - half her annual salary of £150,000 for the remainder of 2006.
We would therefore like to make clear that Ms Archer in fact pocketed £375,000 from the council taxpayers of Liverpool.
We apologise for any embarrassment caused by our original mistake.

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT AND WORKERS CONTROL: WE HAVE TAKEN OVER TONY"S BLOG

Tony's Parrishioners have now taken over the Liverpool subCulture blog after persuading TP that the Mathew Street debacle was just cause for re-emergence.
Our aim will be to toughen up his rather mealy-mouthed and polite critiscisms with some proper full-blooded attacks.
We will expose even more of the evil doings of the cabalists, Colin 'Cover Up' and the Harbarrowboy's s band of incompetent dick-heads and divvies.
And we shall ensure the lousy Lib Dems who have let them get away with ripping off the people of Liverpool and taking the piss out of the city, do not escape.
THEY HAVE BEEN WARNED....

WANTED! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

THE PEOPLE"S BLOG - BANNED BY THE CITY COUNCIL

Liverpool city council has banned council employees from accessing this blog on their work computers. Worse than that, they have also prevented the people of Liverpool - who pay the council's wages - from accessing this blog on computers in public libraries or in One Stop Shops.
But our voice will not be silenced.
We will not be gagged.
Nor will we be prevented from exposing the corruption, double dealing and rotteness at the heart of the city council and its offspring - the Liverpool Culture Company.

Liverpool subCulture

Letter from Colin CoverUp to city council employees following recent press reports

ARISE SIR PHIL! - A knighthood for Our Lord Redmond

LIB DEMS ON TRIAL (PART 2) - "You realised you had been rumbled...."

LIB DEMS ON TRIAL (PART 1) - ROTTEN TO THE CORE ....(courtesy of the Daily Post)

Hasitall should be forced to repay the half a million quid to council taxpayers

Tony's Parrishioners

NEW SERIES: Our Lord Redmond writes exclusively for Liverpool SubCulture

Subscribe to subCulture

Well done - you're sacked!!!!!

Forget Foghorn Leggatty and Our Lord Redmond - there can be only one choice for Elected Mayor!!!!!

Twigger is the last to twig that the postman doesn't ring twice

SALTHOUSE DOCK: A PUBLIC APOLOGY

We got it wrong....

OUR LORD REDMOND'S FAVOURITE BENCH - MILLIONS TAKE PART IN EXCLUSIVE ECHO PHONE VOTE

Labels

BENCHMARK? A PAIN IN THE ARSE FROM OUR LORD REDMOND....

Do you wish to see serious disciplinary action taken by the Lib Dem city council against Jason Harborow and AED Chris Briggs over fixing the appearance of SIRENZ at the 2006 Mathew Street Festival?

PART 4 OF LEE FORDE"S DOSSIER - THE FIREMAN GETS AN UPDATE, BUT DOES NOTHING

THE "FUCK UP AND FUCK OFF" BRIGADE - AND HOW MUCH THEY COST COUNCIL TAXPAYERS

LIVERPOOL DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS - by LEE FORDE

CAST OF CHARACTERS

INTERNATIONAL NEWS! BUENOS DIAS SENOR!!!!

HENSHAW ESCAPES.....

HEADLINE HIGHLIGHTS FOR 2008 - the best stories about 2008. Click on your favourite headline....

HENSHAW THE HYPOCRITE DOES A RUNNER - AFTER BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE FOR LIVERPOOL...

Uncertain? Isolated? Not a friend in the world?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

WIRRAL EXCLUSIVE: PROF CHUCKLEBUTTY GIVES HIS VERDICT ON ADOBE ACROBATS, THE CUSTARD COMPANY AND RUDE VAN WINKLE...

10 comments:

How the council use Ripa to spy on you....

Random Photos

Labour MPs slam unholy Trinity Mirror over birth of Oldham Echo

Storey for Lord Mayor? The nation votes....

Subscribe to Liverpool Subculture

So if he is not Pete price, who is he?

The best blogs for Liverpool

Letting the Kat out of the bag....

Sign the No 10 petition for an independent investigation into the city council and LDL

VOTE IN OUR EXCLUSIVE POLL

SIGN UP FOR THE LATEST FROM LIVERPOOL SUBCULTURE

Bradley lies to worried old people

FIREMAN BRADLEY LIED TO RADIO MERSEYSIDE LISTENERS (AGAIN)

Labour goes on-line to kick out the Lib Dims

VOTE ON THE NEXT LIB DIM LEADER

Click below to see Labour's ON-LINE CAMPAIGN against the Lib Dims

Lorna departs with £45,000 in her handbag - after costing Liverpool half a million

The Curse of Culture........

FIREMAN'S INTERVIEW WITH ROGER PHILLIPS, AFTER COUNCIL RANKED THE WORST FINANCIALLY RUN

WIRRAL EXCLUSIVE: Due to public demand, Professor Chucklebutty now has his very own blog!

THIS BLOG IS OFFICIALLY BANNED BY LIB DEM RUN LIVERPOOL CITY COUNCIL (we are proud to say)

STAND UP FOR FREE SPEECH ON THE INTERNET

Robyn Archer - AN APOLOGY

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT AND WORKERS CONTROL: WE HAVE TAKEN OVER TONY"S BLOG

COUNT DOWN TO JAN 20, 2009

HOPE FOR AMERICA

Don"t let the evil cabal and their accomplices get away with it...

WANTED! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

Tony Parrish 2008

Archive

Discerning Visitors to LiverpoolsubCulture

Other good places

PAY ATTENTION !

Click on this map to see where Liverpool subCulture visitors come from...

CONTRIBUTORS

THE PEOPLE"S BLOG - BANNED BY THE CITY COUNCIL