Friday, March 21, 2008

"Ok wiv u - if we go 2c Lov sho l8r in Vegas?" - Fireman Bradley's text to Jase....


FIREMAN Bradley has come up with a bizarre explanation for his freebie to the Beatles 'Love' show in Las Vegas, we can reveal.

Bradley, who is 'Leader' of the worst council in the country, has given a very full explanation to Colin CoverUp, who is chief executive of the worst council in the country.

Bradley told Colin (before CoverUp disappeared off to the annual MIPIM shindig minus the council leader) that he had been advised to attend the Vegas show by Culture Company officials.

CoverUp: "Which Culture Company officials would these be then, Warren?"

Bradley: "Errr, it was Jason Harbarrowboy, actually, Col."

CoverUp: "Jason?"

Bradley: "Yes, Jason."

Pause.

Bradley: "Errr, he said it would be a good idea if I went to see the show too, since he had already seen it twice before himself, the second time with that mad Clare McCogloose when he went back to LA for a second time even though Cirque Du Soleil had said right from the start that they wouldn't be able to bring the show to Liverpool in 2008. I remember it now."

CoverUp: "Err, the Jason who we have just paid off with £250,000 of council tax payers money to keep quiet and who is no longer a council employee, so we can't interview him or question him about any of this?"

Bradley: "Errr, yep, I think that's the lad."

CoverUp: "And I don't suppose you have any documentary evidence that this advice was given to you officially by Jason? Any reports? Or other documents? Or an email that we could examine, or leak to the Echo?"

Bradley: "No, I don't think I do, Col. Sorry, mate..."

CoverUp: "Pity, it could have been useful...."

Pause.

Bradley: "We did it by text message."

CoverUp (slowly): "I... beg... your... pardon?"

Bradley: "We did it by text message."

CoverUp "Sorry, I think I must have misunderstood. I thought you said that Jason advised you to go and see the Love show by text message."

Bradley: "That's what I did say."

Long Pause.

CoverUp: "I see."

Longer pause.

CoverUp: "And I don't suppose you still have any evidence of these text messages, or any phone records which would indicate that they existed, or any further evidence which would support your account that Jason Harbarrowboy, as chief executive of the Culture Company, advised you by text message that you had to go and see the Beatles Love show, presented by Cirque du Soleil, while you were on holiday with your missus in Las Vegas and not on official council business, even though no official meetings took place with any Cirque du Soleil officials or representatives, no report was ever made to the council and there is no minute in existence of any meeting at which you mentioned the free tickets that the city council had paid for you, as Leader of the Council?"

Bradley: "Fraid not Col, mate."

Longer pause.

CoverUp: "And just so that we can be sure, have there been any other decisions which you have taken as Leader of the Council, where advice has been supplied to you by senior officials through the rather unorthodox means of what I believe are nowadays referrred to as...text messages?"

Bradley: "Dunno, Col mate. Might have been. Might not have been. I remember sending that Lee Forde fella some text messages when I was trying to get him to do over the Harbarrowboy, but.... I mean....(hurriedly) when I was trying to see if I could be of any assistance as a loyal friend of Mr Forde's after that doctored Mathew Street report was published and got me off the hook, big time."

CoverUp: "I see."

Pause.

Bradley: "Is there a problem, Col mate?"

Long pause.

CoverUp: "No, I think it's crystal clear that we can't take this enquiry any further now and that the Opposition calls for a proper investigation must be resisted in the strongest possible terms. An investigation would be a disgraceful waste of public money."

Bradley: "Couldn't agree more. We haven't got money to waste on nonsense stuff like that about what I got up to on holiday when we are £62 million in the red."

Pause.

CoverUp: "Now Warren, I wonder if we can discuss the arrangements we are making this year for the Performance Related Pay awards for our £150,000 a year Executive Directors of this, the worst council in the country?"

Bradley: "No problem, Col mate."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

At least when a £50,000 loan was made to Parr Street studios it was not done by text message:

(http://www.artinliverpool.com/blog/blogarch/2007/03/parr_street_studios_receives_5.php)
(http://www.liverpooldailypost.co.uk/liverpool-news/breaking-news/tm_method=full&objectid=18697597&siteid=50061-name_page.html)

What better way could a grateful businessman pay back the Lib Dems? Why, by standing for election for them in Old Swan - that's how! I am sure the good people of Old Swan will really appreciate someone like Mr Millar.

PC said...

I don't think Bradley could hold a conversation for this long...

Fan said...

I see the Gossip story about Kevin Firth's de-selection was seriously spot-on...keep up the good work Tonys!

How the council use Ripa to spy on you....

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