These are the last days of a corrupt and discredited regime....

FRESH details of the de-selection of Lib Dim Kevin Firth bear an astonishing resemblance to a tin-pot third world dictatorship - rather like Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe.

We can exclusively reveal that Fireman Bradley had at least four votes in the ballot which de-selected Firth!

Bradley turned up to the Old Swan meeting with his henchman, accused law-breaker and chief whip Steve Hurst in tow, rather in the manner of President Mugabe and his collection of thugs.

The Fireman then announced to a startled gathering that he and Hurst would be using 'proxy' votes on behalf of other Lib Dim members who were unable to attend. These included the missing Storeyteller, conveniently.

This bizarre interpretation of Lib Dim democracy was immediately challenged by the party's observer, sent from Regional Office to ensure all the rules and proper procedures were followed.

But to no avail.

Bradley was able to point out that there was nothing in the rule book to prevent the use of proxy votes.

Similarly, there is nothing in the Lib Dim rule book to prevent Lib Dim members frying babies alive in boiling oil at a meeting in Old Swan. Nor is there anything to stop Lib Dim members goosestepping around in Nazi uniform, shouting Sieg Heil during a meeting. (Frank Doran has probably already done this more than once, eds) Or dressing up as bananas and singing It's a Long Way from Tipperary in Swahili, before voting to de-select a councllor. The rule book is silent on all these activities, amazingly.

So on that basis, Bradley and Hurst were allowed to go ahead and vote repeatedly on behalf of people who were not present.

It is not clear precisely how many times Bradley voted, but between him and Hurst their votes accounted for more than a third of the total!

A deeply impressed Robert Mugabe is rumoured to have sent an official observer from Zimbabwe to the meeting in Old Swan so that he could pick up some tips on how to gerrymander his own re-election today.

Bradley also had the brass neck to tell Firth (after giving him the push), that he had actually voted for him.

Sadly the Fireman's vote was not enough to secure Firth's re-selection, especially since, by some remarkable twist of fate, all of Bradley's other votes had been to de-select Firth!

(We couldn't make this up - welcome to a modern Lib Dim democracy, folks!, eds)